DaNcE & PiAnO

Let me judge not

2011-06-09T11:39:00.003+08:00

Last night we had the churchwide bible study in the JW church on Ezekiel. But the previous night I slept too early at 7pm and woke up at 2+am, and no matter what I couldnt get back to sleep. And i went to swim in the afternoon. Not to say it wasnt justified, but i wasnt totally expecting myself to be so exhausted by the night time. ended up, i just keep dozing off. I didnt want to.

Anyway, I realized I am a very judgmental person. Saw pastor derek's tweet - we always judge others by their actions and own by intentions, thus condemning others while excusing ourselves. i totally agree man. on one hand, i was thinking, why so-and-so is just so AA, and I really wonder what is he here for. yet on the other hand, i was dozing off.

I really need to learn to be less judgmental (also less self-condemnation as jl puts it).

Anyway, I realized that my quiet time is more efficient in the morning than in the nite. I'm so silly. in my 7 years of christianity, i always had problem with my quiet time at night. only thru the camp i realized that hey! quiet time can be in the morning too! well, maybe next time i can have both, but for now, just let me try to do it in the morning? :) As revelations get unfolded, i realized the youversion bibile daily reading plan can be reset to today. finally, i can catch up on it. another 20 odd days and i should be able to complete the bible once through. then i shall go deeper into bible study. maybe resume my CL, VL etc.

Today is a good day!

Dear father bdae!

2011-06-04T11:40:00.003+08:00

After I came back from VR Youth Encounter Camp, I rushed and packed my stuffs to go marsiling so uncle can picked me up and we three (with Tania) can go Malaysia together. I slept most of the way, and I was glad that he was mad at me sleeping. we had a super fulfilling dinner at a restaurant there, and the fish was so big we ordered three dishes using the same fish. we had shao rou and char siew and duck as well, and vege. it was SHIOK to the max.

as we are going back, uncle actually asked me to drive his car! *faints* but i accepted and drove back, somemore by the darker and harder-to-drive road, tho i managed to drive there safely. then... auntie asked me to drive her car!! we went out to buy bread, and well, her sitting beside me was scary, with her screams etc, but with that i can really sense how much she wana teach me and cared for all of us, so i dun blame her. :) i slept upstairs alone, but it was good.

woke up in the morning at 9.45 and rushed, cuz they said fall in at 1030, just to realize tania and her dad not prepared yet, so did a little housework and waited for them. went to some T-mall (I drove again!! now with 7 passengers including myself, uncle auntie, tania, tammie, aaron, win). had lunch at a super good herbal shop and watched kungfu panda 2, there were a lot of puns, and it was very funny, but i was just too tired and thus fell asleep. felt a little bad to waste the money tho. after that we had dinner at lavender, a bread shop whose waiter cant speak proper english and ended up pronouncing other words which made us laughed like crazy. a little mean but he really did changed the words and the result was funny.

uncle drove us back, we all had a short nap, before auntie drove me and aaron, while uncle drove the rest back.

so, finally, after 4 nites of not sleeping in my bed, the gravitational pull of my bed strengthens and i got sucked in and slept...

back to singapore, back to reality.

VR Zone Youth Encounter Day 3

2011-06-04T11:31:00.003+08:00

we woke up to excellent breakfast (leftovers from yesterday bbq). hotdogs, watermelon. simply nice. the kids are shuffling again... We packed up and went to the nursing home, and sang and danced with the old folks with malay songs and chinese er ge... basically victor learned the moves from the tv and jane and i follow suit. HAHAHA... hilarious was an understatement.

lizheng and xinhuan cried (of cuz not together) because of some stuffs that happened there that ignite some compassion and sorrow for them. I wonder why I did not experience that. was it because I do not understand, or was it because I always tried my best to treasure people around me so I would not regret, in the future, for not treating them better.

Finally we ate at the tampines food court while the kids went to play LAN (SERIOUSLY?) and went to buy koi with jane and victor. i never knew jane was so fun until i started talking to her like last nite or this morning. esp during the dance. :) the three of us are just funny. period. hahaha. after that went back with jialiang and ashley and cherise (which I nagged to her all the way, LOL) to yishun. and HOLA! a new day begins...

VR Zone Youth Encounter Day 2

2011-06-04T10:59:00.004+08:00

Day two started with some breakfast, monopoly deal with pok keong, seili, meiz, and jianhao. We were competing for more mosquitoes kill (pok keong caught one single handedly), trying to make meiz turned her back on seili though, it was hilarious. But one thing kinda spooked me, as when i knew qiao ying tried to find me and want to talk to me last night, from many people like seili, kelly, pok, etc... whoa, better not get too attached to me man. My heart is still in the process of enlarging, but last time I knew my patience was hitting a cap. Luckily and thankfully, kelly took the initiative and talked to her.

then we went to the beach for some beach games. we got the untangling game, the tie sponge to your body and go into the water and come back up to squeeze water game, and the water bombs game. quite fun i must say. then went back and knew about the s*** in the toilet incident and never used that shower again (zonghan did, awkwardly). while the cheerleaders, usher, security, dancers, organizers, basically almost everyone, left, we were left with the task of coming up with the performance item. As we already foresee the lack in numbers, we decided to combine with team 3 (awesome) so people like shihui and ashley and seili can help out. well, i didnt choose the songs, qing fei de yi and peng you (small esther dont like cuz she nv hear such songs before), i think either seili or kelly did. i just wana do my part. so i helped to think of the actions, though i gave pretty much most of the credit to shihui. hah! so basically we had most of the actions done with the song, which was later rejected by esther (big)...

so we went there by bus, and with a long walk, we reached aloha loyang. so my security duty is up. It was sooo hard to capture all five of them, even if jeremy's help. luckily they last minute brought Timothy back, if not I cant imagine how it would have been like with him shouting shi chen da hai right in the middle of Pastor Kong preaching. but still, I was left with xinhao who loves to wander around. The trouble came when Paul came by himself, but he told jeremy and victor he was going to the toilet, but I cant find him in the toilet. Searched for him frantically, and knew he most likely went out from the security post, so i ran all the way close to downtown east liao, but couldnt find. oh wells. got a call saying that he is not under our control, so i can stop finding him. i was reluctant. What do you mean by not under our control. I'm finding him not because of responsibility, i was finding him because i was worried. I knew from qiao ying he didnt take him medication, and his bag is with jeremy, so what if his wallet is not with him. it would be dangerous for him, considering his condition. but nonetheless, i knew searching was futile, as he most likely left by bus already, and so i went back to service. the items were gr8, the cheerleading, the dancing, the singing (if she didnt cry that much), the testimonial by Rhoda. and of cuz, annabelle's worship and pastor kong's preaching. I stood for the entire service after that run, and even went to catch people at the altar call. accidentally knocked onto the middle aged lady's head, her name was cindy, but she really fell so differently from the rest I was caught unaware. Again, I felt the urge to went forward and Veron prayed for me again. I can see Diwei touched by God too. Just like how me, Jane and Seili were touched by God with our hearts broken for Him once again last nite.

well, after that was the BBQ and the campfire, where all teams performed the items after some campfire songs. germaine got issues with fiance, who came all the way here to aloha loyang to sort out stuffs, while shihui got angry her idea was rejected so refused to perform. Kelly was just lost. Brannon, Jackson, and esther was busy hosting? In the end, i just had to stepped up to the occasion and bring the group together, bringing Seili, Liyun and Venis to the item (they didnt know the changes) to make up the numbers, changing the arrangements so people behind can learn as we perform, while I lead the actions. seriously, if this is naruto, i feel that im shikamaru. I know I had leadership skills, i know i had talents, musical or others, but i just felt it was way too much trouble. I dont like trouble, i just want to lead life simple. but yup, i'm glad i managed to piece the performance up and together and pass the day. Whew. Seriously...

On the way back we played the numbers game with li leng, pok, jialiang, me, windez, marilyn, and zonghan. because of that game i felt a little closer to zonghan, li leng and vindez. Im glad i intro-ed this game to them. :)

Well, after all of us had bathed we went to changi v to see ah gua and eat nasi lemak. me diwei, victor and seili, despite the fatigue we had. we came back and saw a bunch of them at the table talking still. haha, i dun care, i kop victor's pillow (cushion) and went str to sleep)...

VR Zone Youth Encounter Day 1

2011-06-04T10:11:00.005+08:00

The youth encounter camp spans from 31May to 2 Jun. I had a gr8 start, by forgetting to sleep the nite before (or rather, played iPhone games till it was bright and I knew I was late for the camp) and cabbing there with jialiang and cherise. Kelly was my team leader, and I was in team 5, which I knew the night before when Kelly smsed me.

Alright, so the day started off with me talking rubbish with victor (cheah). I didnt know at that time that there were simei care people around (which afterwards I asked Jeremy, their caretaker, and knew that in total for the two days a total of 8 SCC people attended) and one of the most notorious one, Timothy, came over and squeeze my biceps and nod. Well, to be friendly I nodded back with assurance, bet it must have looked hilarious from the side. Anyway, even if I knew he was from SCC, I would do the same anyway.

So after a long bus ride we went to aloha changi, our base camp for the three days. Started off with knowing team 5, which consist of Germaine, Kelly, me, Yuling and Qiao Ying, which I later found out that the latter two are from SCC. Qiao ying i definitely can tell got some issues, while Yuling I cant tell. Even after a full day, I couldnt really tell. The first tell tale sign actually should surface to me when I see that yuling and qiao ying seems to know each other before this camp. But to bring the spirit of loving people fervently, I tried my best to accommodate and make this camp fun for them as well. At the end of the day, looking back at the past me, who condemned people, outcasted, bully, and make life hell for those "unlovable" in the past, I am really quite amazed at the change in me.

So after we had amazing race, and cip in the blocks to ask if people need help etc, we went back to camp for more games. New addition includes (xiao) Esther, Ronald, Nicholas, XueMing. Firstly, the building of a structure with straws and scotch tape for height ad stability. Next is lifting the team across a rafia string tied up high. Our team got last, and got the forfeit of being fed with a banana with the feeder blind folded. Subsequently we were preparing for our performance item on the next day during the campfire night. but as we were preparing, suddenly everyone started playing ice breaker games. the key game definitely was the 50cents game. esp after we combined two teams. as five teams got together, we were stopped for a preaching session, which me and kenneth kept exchanging info about timothy, but we didnt talk bad lar... after that we were trained to dance the mass dance, frenship dance, but as i was seeing a fren, or maybe at least a young christian, sort of got left out, i offered to let him be in and substitute my number, and went with junwei to pei rhoda out (apparently she's very scared of the dark?) and when we came back it was the last worship session.

This session is amazing. Pure amazing. I gave my heart to Jesus once again. I was very moved by the Holy Spirit already. and when I heard heart of worship, i just broke down. It is by his grace and mercy that I can be back in the kingdom of God once again. Not by power, not be might, but by the Holy Spirit. I always feel very condemned, like as if I was not worthy of Him. Sometimes I sin unknowingly, but most of the time I sin knowing what I am doing. I remembered the Word says that a christian who do not walk in ways of the Word is worse than a sinner. I felt sinful. But that nite, I think I heard Him telling me to go back once again. I was one of the first of the many to respond, and despite I was supposed to help with security, I couldnt do so. My heart was so broken that there was no way for me to catch people properly. I just want to get into His presence once again. As when Veron prayed for me, she seemed to be speaking right into my heart. Renewed passion, renewed love once agian. And after when I was down, up, and moved right to the back to not obstruct them, I knelt again, confessing my sins to Him once again. How long has it been since I felt so strongly of His presence. And in the midst of my confession, I thought I heard Him saying...

"So what have you been doing with these talents I have given you for the past seven years?"

I wept even more. Although I do not know what talents is He referring to, I know I have kinda failed Him. But I know He is not reprimanding me. He just wants me to start serving. And since I dont know where to serve, I guess I'm starting with the usher ministry. And after the security briefing by Howard to the seven of us, Howard, Jialiang, zong han, pok keong, weihao, juncheng and me + victor, the day finally came to an end.

First Post after missing years of penning down my memories for a long time

2011-06-04T06:22:00.002+08:00

Alrights. So it has been close to 7 months since i last posted, but better to be late than never yea...

Have been looking thru my old posts and realized what a dark and emo kid i was, some key people in my life, guys and girls, as well as key entries on how and when i entered church, my first cell group and etc. 7 long years has this blog been alive, and boy am i glad i turned out fine despite all the suicidal thoughts i had harbored before.

But oh well, we are designed to look and move forward. Our senses, limbs, everything telling us that moving forward is nature, so, despite keeping all these wonderful memories, I shall start on the new chapter of life awaiting me. But for now, I will post more after i come back from my run, especially about the recent youth encounter camp. Wheets!

p.s. i didnt wana run, but looking at how i have gained 10 kg in these 5 years, gosh, i betta move my ass now.

do grades matter?

2010-11-13T18:13:00.001+08:00

This is a question that nuansy, Ticky and Dex keep repeating. Initially I thought that's because they secured jobs. Well, kinda, since nuans signed barcap compliance, dex signed citi ma, and Ticky most probably got his bnp client coverage.But when I checked my financial market results, highest 37, median 32, I got 31. And yet I dun feel anything. Not disappointed, not relieved tho I studied for only 3 hrs given I dun go for lessons or revised before, not even theslightest reaction. That's when I concluded.Maybe grades really dun matter.Then again, not to dex and nuans, but Ticky, he says job finding is important. So I tot job finding is important. Got rejected by bnp, flow traders, dbs ma, most likely by boaml since I had my worst interview in that phone interview, rejected credit Suisse ib ops assessment center, didn't apply for hsbc and citi ma, rbs, while firms like ms and db have no replies, most likely no chance. Despite all these I remembered, I dun feel the anxiety. I still feel at peace.Is it because I know that God will provide a way for me? I read the bible again, an start to commit to the Lord again. But is it because I don't wana work? Or is it just I wana escape from all these job searches?I don't know. I don't even know what I want. What department, company, if I want pay, fame, prestige, challenge, security, whatever.But I do know that I cannot take things for granted. Especially Tania. She always appear so frail and weak to me, such that I want to protect her very much. I once wrote an entry about being too short or long sighted. I dun wana be either. So, in these limited years of my walk of life with her. I just want to make sure we are happy. If being a hawker can make us happy, I will. If being a missionary will make us fulfilled and satisfied, I will.I need to know my short, medium and long term goals. Also, I need to write down what I need and want.Time seems to be running out, but again, does it matter?

revival of my blog

2010-11-12T16:56:00.001+08:00

Can't rem when was my last post, but this blog is gonna get resurrected from the dead.Today is the last day of this sem. Just had my financial markets quiz. Kinda suck but I don't care.

Testing

2010-05-05T04:29:00.001+08:00

Testing from iPhone.

frenz

2010-04-17T11:17:00.003+08:00

when you like that person, you can barely remember any bad experiences you have with that person. even if you do remember them, looking back on them does'nt bring back the bad feelings as well.

if you dun like that person, you can barely remember any good experiences you have with that person. even if you do, the good feelings do not come back with them.

long time...

2009-10-19T00:15:00.004+08:00

it has been a long time since i wrote in this blog. and since i only write in this blog when i'm emo, seeing this post is not exactly a good omen...

anw, i am soooo frustrated. now i'm full of regrets. i regret not doing internship in my 2nd year. and i regret not doing internship in my 1st year. who cares if we won the R&F champion. Does my employer care? why do i sacrifice my future just because my friend ask me to help him out. not that i blame my fren, cuz he's also kinda forced into it. but why... sad. sad. sad. its just not worth it.

and now, i stand alone here. No intern. No ext case comp experience. No SEP. All i have left, no offense to anyone, are nothing but grades. BUT, this kinda grade, its so much on the edge its suffocating me. i know i cant drop my cap if i still wan a decent intern. but i cant do it. its all i have left, yet i do not have the confidence or power to protect it.

but then again. i'm so ashamed of myself. initially, entering into NUS Business is the reason i wana escape the rat race. i wana do sumthing different. i dun wana end up like everyone else. but now, i'm back to the rat race.

no. technically, i'm back competing to ENTER THE RAT RACE. i tot i have a clear direction with my gf - job, marriage, hdb, kids, retirement. but no. this is not a clear direction. i need a real direction. something real, tangible and pulls me out of this rat race and let me truly excel and not stay in mediocrity.

God, help me please.

tired

2009-06-10T13:48:00.002+08:00

swim, tennis, soccer, tennis, gym...

tiring. since when did i stop exercising and wasted my healthy body away? pgp? most likely i guez. nv run since i moved out. haiz.

nx week ict, but i haven clear my ippt yet. gonna have so much trouble inside. working out with all the men. gosh. :( damn sian. still haven pack. mayb i'll still see the same old ppl, so its kinda glad for me anyway. but den. reservice. really hate it. see no idea of repeating such stuffs over and again even after 2 years.

my darling is soooo poor thing. cant sleep well at nite and waking super early in the morning. they say early bird catches the worm, but i say early tweety is gonna get sick if she dun continue to rest enough. haiz.

random.

insomnia

2009-06-04T01:57:00.003+08:00

cant sleep...

duno why, is it cause of the soccer that's making my muscle aching like crazy? the sleep on the way home from dear's place? the erractic schedule of my life? eh, cant be, cuz mine's pretty routine, juz that perhaps its a lil distorted. who actually waste holidays away like this, or sleeping in the wee hours and waking up when half the day passed? hmm..

anw, a random thought brought about a random action which brought about a random inspiration. had quite many frenz that i slowly lost contact with, but there are some i would particularly like to gain back. and among them, there's this best buddy i had. he kinda stuck by me even at my lowest times. and even if i felt that, and knew that, a misunderstanding had occured, i simply juz didnt do anything about it. hmm, digressing, but anw, the point i wana make is, i suddenly hope he gets together with this girl. because both him and her are really good catch, and i can actually seeing him becoming an even better person.

so, other than my gf, family, i will keep you specifically in my prayers. gd luck. :)

wad is wrong

2009-05-30T00:26:00.002+08:00

so long, my blog.

so long since i wrote, and the first post, an angry one.. haizz.. after reading sum posts in bloomberg which i totally agree.

first of all, why is the market so irrational. taking a long look at the housing and autos will show that the market is not near the bottom yet. so why everyone juz keep rushing into the markets? and they say kiasu orginates from singapore. there are so many ppl going into the market now, hoping there's another citigroup or aig to take advantage of. plz....

futures market are very very active. speculations that market will rise? hedging against the weak dollar (i.e against inflationary pressure)? but they do realize that with the current unemployment rate, inflation's not gonna set in so quickly? or that immediate response to tighten monetary policy in Japan during 1990s could be one of the reasons for the "lost decade"? haiz. wu yan.

secondly, why is magna international stepping in to save GM now. please. GM's operations... juz let it go. i know, yes, its a bargain. yes the fed's gonna help you pay half of the 1.5b if i'm not wrong. but hey, look at BAC, or BofA, wad do they get from saving merrill lynch? haiz... wu yan.

God is a good God

2009-03-29T02:08:00.004+08:00

is there ever an end?

if i got my cca, i want my internship in a bank. if i got it in a local bank, how i wish i got it in a global bank. if i got into a global bank, how i wish i am in front office. if i get the contract, how i wish i was the vp who's bullying me instead. if i'm the vp, the president is so annoying, if only i am him. if i'm the p, how i wish i was born rich and is the shareholder instead, putting the pressure on him. ig i'm the director of the board, how i wish i am the director of ANOTHER BOARD instead.

If i'm Li Ka shing, how i wish i'm warren buffet.

will we ever get satisfied?

then i realized sumthing. no wonder my parents are happy. they may be just working adults slogging their life off, nothing compared to the CEOs playing golfs, but none can say they're not as happy. satisfaction is the most important thing in life. there's this chinese phrase, "知足常乐". finally, it actually take me like 23 years to understand a little bit of it. without Him, I would not be here I am. I would not have gotten gd results in my O's and A's. I would have failed my army course because of that stupid flu. I would not have grew in my self confidence, like when i'm the 2nd marksman and 1st marksman in my battalion (1st and 2nd year respectively). I would not have known tania and change my personality so much.

its never ending to compare yourself with others, seeing ticky got morgan, marvin got deutsche, chen jian wen's legendary merrill lynch stories blah blah blah. instead, by being happy with wad i'm blessed with, it makes me feel good.

Also, as i've been thinking for a long time, maybe more than half a year, i should be focus more on God. I like the way people are so focused on God. and i think ppl who earn just enough to survive but are super devoted to Him are much more happy and fortunate than the billionaires who worry that their wealth will disappear overnite (some did when the financial crisis struck).

so, i shd stay faithful, knowing that everything will be alright with Him watching over us.

forsaken all i trust him
vs
fully entrapped and recreant

feels lyk enlightenment

2009-03-29T01:48:00.002+08:00

When i first learned that ticky got an internship at morgan stanley, i was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. On one hand happy for him, securing an intern in possibly the 2nd largest global investment bank (used to be IB wad), on the other disappointed in myself. he said he didnt start applying for intern until mayb start feb, but i started way since from dec. but still, he got more interviews and eventually an intern despite all these financial turmoil. proud of his ability to beat our seniors who are dean listers, 1st class, penultimate students blah blah. but me? wad am i doing? i have only a couple of interviews, which i even missed a phone interview by barclays cuz i overslept, and i nv got passed the 1st round. wad am i doing?

i wanted to go for sep, but the initial objection was that i dun wana leave tania. but as the crisis worsen, my parents' income took a huge hit too. and now, going to denmark, one of the richest country in europe, seems lyk an unfilial idea. also, factors that pushed me to going for sep in spite of all obstables are disappearing too. i got my corp fin in the end. so i dun really need to clear finance mods overseas in fear of lack of bid points. my gf understands the benefits of sep, and we have learned to trust each other enough to be able to be separated for so long. many of my frenz are going sep too, so i probably wun be se bu de so much. also, tania's 21st, we sorta can do sumthing about it already, since her mum sorta agree that she would allow tania to fly off for a couple of days. so now, its juz the financial problem. i guez you can nv stop solving the problems, they jus keep popping up.

starting to be disappointed in God, asking him why his child, me, is not blessed with excelling in these times, struck down just like the others. then i began to stop my envy and jealousy, and start to look at other less fortunate ppl, and realized God has indeed been blessing me. my qualifications are still not bad, shd end up with a degree sumhow. my cap is not bad. my life is not bad. my gf is good. and most importantly, i have God. it is Him who always pull me out of crisis. when i'm in need He's always there. shall dedicate a post for him next.

leukemia

2009-03-25T12:49:00.002+08:00

why are ppl so young getting cancer so young? in a span of two weeks, i happen to know of two person who got leukemia. one of them melvin, i dunno who, but a request for the donation of blood was forwarded to me by vincent. the other one is xiao ou, a girl from science. i have since joined her group, but so busy that i could not go donate anything to her.

life is so fragile.

God, I pray for all of my family and friends (and myself) that you can protect us from the devil and give us good health. I pray this i jesus name, amen.

where do we go?

2009-03-15T00:00:00.005+08:00

i duno wad else better to say.

jialiang actually dedicate a line in his blog for me. asking me to stop my self condemnation ( well i dun deny that) and miss the times where we worship together side by side. of cuz i still. rem. even the times when we were at jurong west and we jump together! but still... things are different now.

was looking at sum of the vt subzone fotos. and see their fotos at marina barrage, at the beach, at veron's bdae, at sooo many places. to think that i was part of that a few years ago.

just because i cant bring frenz? why muz the church be about frenz frenz frenz and frenz. i know, that any soul saved is the best news in heaven. but why must EVERYONE be the evangelist when sum are juz not cut out to be it? I've been in two cell that dissolved. annie's, howard's. Dear's worse, she was in Shan shan's as well. and its all about? no growth. i mean, why dissolve a cell juz because its not growing? florence, tania and evon were such gd frenz, they were quite on too. were. so are ppl in annie and howard's cell. i mean, check out the effort made by joel and zihao laz time. not even the need to mention all the sacrifices made by shan shan annie and howard. but in the end? wad do they get? is frenz really THAT important that we can sacrifice our existing members? How many has come, and how many has left? i am in no position to say anything for i've only been here for a few years unlike those who started out at the hollywood theatre. but hey, at least for my coming-5-years here i've seen so many ppl leaving, and most of them, disappointed by man more than by God.

Also, wad happen to those ppl who left? what if they wana come back? are they given a chance to come back? why are newcomers so sought after by the ppl but not the backsliders? aren't they away from God too? Why condemn the backsliders and pursue so much of newcomers and forgot about the frenship we forged in the past?

For ppl who still can come back easily because they have a few frenz left, not so bad, ppl lyk desmond, kelvin blah blah.. but to those who have problems coming back, be it no more frenz, all strangers, paiseh, wad then are their fates? even if they wana come back? where do they go? why the difference in attitude towards backsliders and newcomers? if brock, flor, weisiang, fiona (note i didnt mention ppl lyk nick and andrew who can come back easily) wana come back, where do they go?

if me n tania wana be in a cell group again, but we state outright that we are really unable to evangelise, where do we go? which cell group leader dares to take the cursed two and sacrifice the entire cell group away, seeing his/her own work goes down the drain in a few months time?

disapppointment by men turns ppl away from church, and turning away from church turns ppl away from God. men make mistakes, and brings sorrow to the backslider and God.

ya, self-condemn again. but who is there to give me a hand? if jia liang stop being my only true fren in church, if annie stop treating us lyk we are in her cell and save seats for us. where do we go?

crap

2009-03-14T21:10:00.001+08:00

To me, i think that personality is a hoax. therefore, wadeva you want to know about me, its probably the exact opposite of the analysis below. :)

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

finally

2009-03-14T15:46:00.004+08:00

finally, got the time to sit down and do up my NYR

ok. lemme see. even tho its supposed to be a new year resolution, new year has long passed and i guez this would be my goal list instead! :)

Short term goals:

1) IPPT GOLD! received my ICT notice. damn. hate it. tot i can siam but still... haiz.. nvm, i shall go get my 400 bucks. heez. hopefully.

2) Driving license. Really wana get a driving license so on speical occasion i get get my dad's car or rent a more decent car to drive dear around. altho it has been a long time since i laz drove, but the tot of being banned to get driving license still haunts me.

3) Set my mind on whether i'm going to copenhagen or not. For those who don't know, yes, i've been accepted into Copenhagen Business School in Denmark for a 4-5 month exchange starting this Aug. Was glad initially. but damn sian after that cuz got soooo many factors pulling me back.
Family,
Gf,
Budget (Denmark, Norway, Switzerland has always been well known for being expensive cities to live in, like how Tokyo, HongKong and Singapore in Asia)
Studies (i got my corp fin this sem, so not so much worries on finance major)
Haiz... just wish i can make up my mind soon.

3) Buy that stupid sweater which I cant find anywhere!!

4) Find an internship! haiz.. still cant find any. dead.

5) Master Bloomberg. Not really master but proficient enough to generate the reports I need.

6) Catch up on my studies.

7) Finish preparing TAG
including a grarantee cert and album

Mid term

1) Catch up with friends

2) Get my CFA 1

3) Know God more, active in Church

4) Improve on my guitar, and also to jam more and hopefully able to perform sumwhere

5) this is the most crazy of all. but one day. i hope i can be with a group of frenz dancing in the mrt. yea yea, i know it sounds lyk step up 2, but not that. not exactly that actually. we wun be masking our faces, and we will do appropriate legal research before that. bringing in botting, popping, locking, hip hop, even ballroom dancing. record it down. post on youtube. nice. ;) juz hope we dun get caught.

Long term

1) Bring dear go travel.
a) first stop: batam/bintan rot whole day. preferably at banyan tree resort where the ocean goes rite into your house. kewl.

b) Taiwan: Taiwan is sooooo memorable to me when I went there a few years ago. The night market and huge chicken chop (twice of Singapore shihlin's one), taipei 101, liu fu chun, and wana go kao siong theme park and so much more sight seeing!

c) Europe - UK: Buy a monopoly board. Go to each of the places on the board in UK, such as King Cross Station etc. take the figurines, posed, take foto in front of the station or street sign, including the Jail and carpark (juz go anyone of them). damn. so hard to explain but i got a whole plan ready.

d) Around the world - Love park.
refer to here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOVE_(Sculpture)
i wana go all around the world and take photos with ALL the love sculptures, especially the one in Love Park in Philadelphia. A short list of the cities would be: 6th Avenue New York, Pratt Institute Brooklyn New York, Lehigh University Asa Packer, Indiana, New Orleans, Utah, Las Vegas, Wichita Kansas, Taipei, Tokyo, Orchard Road (duh....), Bilbao Spain, Vancouver Canada, Lisbon Portugal, Bangkok Thailand, Shanghai China. Gosh. Check that out man.

2) Not just decent, but a damn good job.

2) Repay my debts

3) Terrace town house.

4) Sports Car before 28 (tuscani included, hahaha)

5) Starts a business with dear :)

Whoa, one hell lot of wishes. hope its attainable. :)

rushing homework

2009-03-02T00:53:00.002+08:00

have been rushing my homework, cant sleep, and decided to blog here a little.

kept telling myself to blog but just cant seem to find the time. mayb i'm a person who believes in prioritizing. and it actually means that if i put sumthing as the laz priority, i wun get it done no matter how much i convince myself.

BUT, i'm finally here. tho i have forgotten wad i wana blog about. but shall try to make the first step.

ok. recess week. one word. unproductive. tried as i might, i accomplished little, mostly dampened by my comfy bed and enticing tv dramas. oh no. how how how? i'm so dead. i pon jap laz laz week. then dun have the notes. been trying to read the TG to complete the notes to no avail. i'm dead meat. corp fin still dun really understand wad it is really about. as in the 30% homework. not to mention haven check, duh..

dead dead dead. but still, not totally useless. the one-day event at deutsche bank was good. how good? i'll blog about it nx time, hopefully. and the interview at ocbc securities. cui. totally cui. but i learnt a lot. and i also learnt much of wad i lack.

also, i've met up with martin b4 he left, as well as went for the barbeque session (in the rain, epic battle with the pit, once in a lifetime experience) with kaleong yixiang fer yuhan and xuanzhi.. realized i haven really done my part as a fren, trying my best to keep my frenship going.

hmm, anything else? i guez no. still doing my ny resolution. once its done i will put it up, soon. :)

love bank

2009-02-08T23:40:00.002+08:00

today pastor kong shared sum interesting stuffs with us. sum love bank thingy. but too tired to write down today.

juz wana expand on it, lyk time will decrease points, possibility of gay love bank, pretty affecting points and etc. yawns

爱情是一种感动

2009-02-07T19:09:00.002+08:00

爱情是一种感动

when do ppl fall in love? i think its the moment they feel gan dong.
when its a crush, they felt the gan dong in the sensory nerves, most prob the eyesight, but for penpals or those who dun meet, its still the gan dong. the split second when you see the person, the split second you open the email. you wana fall in love because you wan to always feel the gan dong.

for a couple. why ppl can sustain their marriage for long. cuz they always make each other gan dong. even seeing your love ones the moment you wake up, its the gan dong. thats y most proposal work not when the guy say i love you, but when the guy say i will take care of you forever. its the gan dong and the stirring in the heart.

thats y i love tania. she always make me feel gan dong. i've seen some sacrifices she had done for me, but even without them, looking at her make me feel gan dong. heez..

dunno why i suddenly write this post, but darling...

--
<3
C

its been a long time

2009-02-05T23:16:00.003+08:00

jap is hard. its as if i'm taking 4 mods. no kidding. jap is screwin my life up. now my life its almost lyk a dichotomous question. girlfren, or jap hmwk. it is that pathetic. haiz.

but still, i enjoy jap. not the stress, not the comprehension and increased fluency of the language, but the satisfaction from doing something i wanted to do for a long time. its juz fulfilling your dreams that kinda feeling. i aint got no big dreams, juz a pathetic fella trying to fill my life faster than the earth rotates round the sun. dun really know wad that means. haha. another random sentence that makes no sense. or dollars. ok. nvm.

been thinking about my new year resolution. i know its kinda late, especially lyk i'm five days into february. well, i guess i'll work them out soon, at least before the end of this year.

lost my cell. lost my friends in church. lost my seating in church. i dun even feel lyk going to church when dear is not going. cuz i know i dun have a place to sit anymore. it has become so meaningless. mayb i shd switch church. :(

bleahx

2008-12-11T00:24:00.001+08:00

feel lyk a rotting man. boohoo

rotx rotx rotx rotx

patience

2008-11-30T02:38:00.003+08:00

patience with others is love
patience with self is hope
patience with God is faith

Don't build walls, build bridges instead.

We are like diamonds.
The more a diamond is cut, the more it sparkles.

say what you feel
Those who mind dont matter
Those who matter dont mind

cant rem vs forget

2008-11-25T20:41:00.002+08:00

AIS, Fin down, 2 more to go, and a project

AIS was sucky, dun wana talk about it.
Finance was ok, but duno how it will turn out.

anyway, gonna rant a bit. my view on two similar but not so similar concepts

wadz the difference between cant remember and forgetting. and which of it is better. I always used this phrase, "its not i forgot, its just that i cant rem" but realized i used it wrongly.

when i forget, it means that the information is stored in my memory but i just not digging it out now.
when i cant rem, it means i del the info from my memory.

the difference makes a lot of difference.
if i forget about sumthing, i might remember it someday. i may forget that you offended me before, but i will rem it someday and get back at you.
if i cant rem, even after you tell me you offended me, it really means i cant rem, and its no longer in my memory, i will not bother about it.

but same to if you helped me. if i forgot, i will still rem it sumday and repay you.
if i cant rem, sorry, period.

people say forgive and forget, but i rather forgive, and can't remember.

bleahx*

long way to go

2008-11-18T02:34:00.002+08:00

going to sleep now. exams. urgh!

anw, i've wrote diaries for duno how many years, and blog for 6 years from 2003. and this blog has been with me since 2004.

hey blog, i have been neglectin you too much. shall start updating you soon, after exams. gd nite!

north dun attract north

2008-10-26T00:52:00.003+08:00

i dun think me and my gf are opposite poles of magnet.

we are both as headstrong and stubborn, dun eat "harm" and so many things alike. we are more like.. both north poles. we can never be together. thats y despite the fact that i knew her for close to 2 years but we are not attracted to each other.

but then, fate and love is just like a piece of metal. put it in between us, and we
re stuck for life.

Thank you God for darling.

\(^-^)/

north dun attract north

2008-10-26T00:52:00.001+08:00

getting tighter

2008-10-22T12:00:00.002+08:00

this few weeks are getting tougher and tougher, dun even have a proper time to blog.

this week - mis presentation (every week), finance quiz
nx week - finance presentation, macro presentation, ais project submission, mis
nx nx week - ma presentation, itnus assignment due, mis individual assignment due, mis

gimme a break~! this is getting insane, tutorials lagging behind, no time to read the txbk, no time to build/recover frenships (esp 74 buddies, i miss you!) haizz..

anw, mid terms results all out..
finance 19/25 (median 15)
ma A+ (1/3 got A+)
macro 22/25 (median 20.. wth!!!)

overall i'm quite glad with my results, cuz i think i do not deserve it with my efforts, but i'm smart. Thank God for that. I would not deny the talent He gave me, but i shall work harder in using this talent through hardwork and not take Him for granted. and dun bother getting angry if you read about this. i think everyone is smart in his own way or expertise, mayb mine is just academically-inclined. not exactly the smartest of them all, but i'm happy and contented. :D

ok, back to studies, damn.

deutsche bank

2008-10-15T02:35:00.002+08:00

cant believe i get to experience wad i juz experienced, its so cool.

initially got an email of invitation (heard only first-class-honours-grades got it)to attend a seminar-like event at deutsche bank, whose application requires us to write a 100 words para to describe whywe wana go. juz days b4 today's event, i received an email confirming that i got selected to go.

today, stepping into one raffles quay south tower, deutsche bank section level 17, after sum network, we got split into groups to play a very interesting game.

there are in total of ard 60 participants from nus, ntu and smu. (didnt find any bizaders from nus nor other year 2s so maybe me n zhen jie super privileged :D)
we were basically split into 3 categories, 4 groups each (miners, manufacturers and bankers) the miners got permit to mine and manufacturers got permit to sell) In addition, there are two start and end points, the "mine" and the "car market". Bankers do not have either permits, but we start with very high capital so we can give loans or trade in large volumes. i belong here. 5 rounds of ten to fifteen mins each, where each round news will updated on the presentation screen which will affect the selling price of the "mine" or buying price of the "car market" which both will affect the transacted price among us gr8ly. initially we started with buying and selling the "pandemonium" from miners to manufacturers to earn the clean profits. subsequently we try giving loans and collect interest. getting more fun into the game, we began to write forward contracts (not future contracts since no standardization and not options cuz we are all obliged and not just having juz the rite to buy/sell the asset at the certain price) and speculate on future prices. finally, as later in the rounds everyone start bypassing bankers, we took on a more active role in trading. lyk usually miners buy at 40, sell us at 60, we sell manufacturers at 80 and they sell at "car markets" at 100. but now they bypass us and seal contracts themselves. but i'm quite glad of a few stuffs i helped. first of all, i suggested to short the metal and promoted the completion of forward contract. secondly, i realized this particular miner buy 60, sell 80, then manu buy 80 sell 100in car market, so i tell the unaware manu about it, say i will give them clean profits, ask them to help me sell (cuz i no permit), then i approach another miner offering 80k per tonne and sell the manufacturer at 85 per tonne and keep doing this so we take 25% of the profits (5k out of 20k) per tonne and seal a lot of deals. in the end, after best miner and best manu announced, best banker is US!! haha.. altho i didnt help much, but still contributed quite a bit.

the best thing is i get to enjoy the competition, the stress, the formulation of new strategy, new products, the experience, the network after that, the insights with ppl lyk their managing director of global rates, director of global foreign exchange, and other analysts, all made me didnt regret spending a long time travelling to and fro and wearing my suit. altho their food not exactly fantastic.

fruitful day.

lost frenz, not found

2008-10-14T02:58:00.002+08:00

toss and turn, couldnt sleep, therefore wake up to finish sum of my studies stuffs..

after finishing those, go facebook, and realized my contacts with my frenz are lyk lost..

to see the bunch of handi, phil, melvin, benny, chee tek, cedric all still go out together.. kinda envious..
then saw kayan, shaowei (felle now), kenneth, andy, joseph, larry, wenxian (faith) still going out together.. sadx

looking back. my cat high dun have a fixed clique lyk cedric and gang.. its all gd frenz but not die hard buddies lyk them. cj, used to be very close to them, but duno y i drift apart from them. i think they dun want me too. sa, i can say they are more die hard buddies than my cj frenz, but too, i drifted away from them. wad has become of 03s74? i duno. army, i do not have close frenz in bmt, sispec. yes i have them in tankee course, gd frenz lyk melvin, xingwei, cheng hao, muthu, basically my entire bunk, cuz i muz say it was one of my toughest times ever (esp the driving course part), but still.. no more contact. and when i get posted to lion coy, its all ai troopers ard me and they are lyk in their own world. after army, lfi, i duno how to face them anymore. finally, in uni, my trogun clique, slowly disintegrating as well.

altho i would lyk to say, yes, dear is all i need and want. but still, frenz lost are lyk a hole in the heart, or a bullet thru the brains, sumhow my life doesnt function properly anymore. shd i be "desperate" for frenz to gain them back? lyk keep asking when do they meet up and stuffs, go crash.. its so annoying even i myself cant stand it.

sumthings, once lost, is gone foreva, which is why i'm holding dearly to the frenships i still have now, for God knows when they will expire lyk the rest

"(

lost my freaking phone!!

2008-10-01T17:34:00.002+08:00

sian, i woke up on bus 10, wanted to go back vivo buy food stuffs, then lost my phone!! after i realized i lost my phone str away i alighted, i took 188 after that bus. then i alighted and run to the bus, but then it left even tho i ran to the door!! wah lao. den i ran for another bus stop, and almost caught it, then it ran off again. i mean c'mon! you can see me on your mirror chasing you for two bus stops!! and you dun care? wtf is wrong with you!!

after that, board 188 again, alighted and go kr terminal, then the uncle say duno duno. everything oso duno so stupid! the only person i can think of is my darling and only her no. so msged the person. after that off phone!! bloody hell!1 haizz..

anw, these few days so stressed!!! mid terms! mid terms! mid terms!! this is insane! haizz.. dun even really have time to spend with my gf and friends anymore. this is the life i've chosen, stick with it.

damn.

things keep going left

2008-09-12T21:56:00.003+08:00

IPPT - cant rem exactly wad i did b4 that but by laz sun i was quite shag out.. but tues got bbal trials. shagged out. from 23 ppl axed 9 ppl to 14, left 10 places (cuz 5 reserved for the experienced seniors)

wed ippt. went to yj according to the map, then the security guard point to khatib camp. went to the gate, says go to front gate which is at the opposite of the camp. by the time reach the camp oso left half a life. in the end juz barely pass. but the electronic system is damn cool, except the part where i did 7 chin-ups, no chest ups, but it only counted 4 and the pti only add 2 for me, if only my starting chin up not so high mayb i can do lyk 8!! and get hundred bucks more. nx day agm, but bcuz of guy-who-lyk-to-play-exclusivity-games i got delayed and didnt got for the final trials. in the end, i nv got in. i mean, this rawks man. it is a lifetime thing, i'm too tired with fighting with my fate on bball. thats it. i cant take it anymore.

studies not going well, **** dun go well, ippt dun go well, ******* dun go well, bball dun go well, everything is juz not going right for me.

damn it.

and today, even if i wana put on a facade, i cant. and this jeremy guy juz wana piss me off more. but i really couldnt really be bothered. :(

sorry!

2008-07-20T14:29:00.002+08:00

so sorry to my gf!!! 对不起! made you wait for 2 hours. so sorry!! :(

had sushi tei with my gf on fri nite. nice dinner. but nx day i made her waited for so long. haiz.

sorry dear, i hope you understand. :(

guard duty

2008-07-04T03:02:00.002+08:00

today's my guard duty with victor, duno if i can mount the board up onto the structure today. haizz. saded..

starting to feel the heat, and i realized tat time passed super fast, esp when now i'm rushing my stuffs.

feel bad towards my dear, couldn't have time for her. but rag will end soon rite? i think.

damn. no time.

不是我不想睡

2008-07-03T04:16:00.002+08:00

不是我不想睡，而是我睡不着。

came in from the rag site, finish settling allocating the angle bars for my side props, tmr confirming the spaghetti height and width and is it pyramid-lyk.

but i cant sleep, but rather, i duno whether i shd sleep or not.

if dreams are sweet, i dun wana wake up to realize i'm in a night mare.
juz now nuan ting asked me a question, i duno how to answer.

den i realized its maybe quite bad.

damn. :(

only guys in sec sch think too much, so, now telling myself that i'm no longer one, its time to slap myself and wake up. The time is now.

and even when i was kboxing at the rag site with them just now, realized that the song i'm yours by jason mraz truly tells me one thing - time is short, time is running out, rag is coming.

2008-06-30T01:26:00.002+08:00

haizzz. i didnt bear a grudge la. make me look so devilish.

woke up this afternoon feeling quite fine, cant really rem bout last nite, hope its a gd thing..

dunno whether i shd go cac or not, if go cac waste money plus cant help rag oso.. if never go, den the only chance to get involved in another camp may not come again.. haizz..

dear

2008-06-06T22:33:00.001+08:00

my darling is so gd to me!!

she pei me home, cook linguine for me.. and cure my headache!! :) so nice!!

thank you baby.. wonderful baby.. your food taste so gd!!

muackx!

甜心，忍耐

2008-04-22T20:31:00.000+08:00

歌曲：爱情证书
歌手：孙燕姿
专辑：孙燕姿

歌词：

寂寞当然有一点
你不在我身边
总是特别想念你的脸
距离是一份考卷
测量相爱的誓言
最后会不会实现
我们为爱还在学
学沟通的语言
学著谅解学著不流泪
等到我们学会飞
飞越黑夜和考验
日子就要从孤单里毕业
我们用多一点点的辛苦
来交换多一点点的幸福
就算幸福还有一段路
等我们学会忍耐和付出
这爱情一定会有张证书
证明从此不孤独

emo_boy_is_here_again_after_4_long_years_at_hotmail_dot_com

2008-04-22T02:16:00.004+08:00

mugging has been driving me crazy..
lyk why the hell am i awake at this hour?

actually, i dunno why this is happening to me, but i am becoming a lil emo with the exams coming up. created a chinese playlist for myself to study for the next few days. really hate studying.

klar booked seats for us today, where me, mj (mingjiao), yiwen, dexter came afterwards. why do time fly past so easily? at the rate it is going, it will all be a fast-forward film for my life. i need to know wad i want.

went church on sunday, and i was very sad. miss God terribly, but i'm not doing anything about it. i need help in finding Him back. Darling.. help me ok? (didnt tell you this cuz i didnt think of it sooner and think i will forget again)

the songs playing now is definitely detrimental for my studies, but i cant get the emo feeling away. how long have i not been feeling this way? 4 years? i dun wana revert back to myself where emotions rule my heart, but this nostalgic feeling, of indulging in self wallow, or nuanting puts it, angst (i dun think there is a word called angsty so i shall not correct her, but i insist no such word tho), and the feeling lyk the whole world owes me sumthing... it rocks... putting the blame on everything else but you, telling you if the world dun suck everyone would have fall off the earth..

everytime when i write a post there shd be a reason for it..

but this time, not really.. or perhaps i juz miss my darling too much that the emo side of me is coming out.. dun be scared of it k? sorry.. i will recover soon, likely to be on the 7th of may.

a post super long ago

2008-04-21T02:16:00.003+08:00

a post super long ago when i was in j2-

下雨了，我喜欢下雨，更喜欢淋雨，让自己游在雨中央。
雨，想真正自由，（必须）脱离云，抛开束缚，（才能）降落在地面。
雨，吵吵闹闹地来，却静悄悄地走。
雨，捶打着地面，（却）变成了优美的交响曲，医疗（着）心灵创伤。

cant blif i so emo laz time. but after reading it, suddenly realized that altho it doesnt makes sense which i already mentioned, the third line particular hit me hard.

Rain announces its arrival with deafening thunder and roaring downpours, but who exactly knows when does it leave? unfair to juz creep away isnt it? ;)

p.s. actually, this is another lame post, juz trying to tell my good frenz that time will heal all wound, look deeper into that particular sentence.

random thoughts

2008-04-21T01:56:00.002+08:00

why do ppl say today is tomorrow's yesterday?
Shouldnt today be yesterday's tomorrow?

anyone see the stark contrast?

the first one is lyk telling you life goes on, forget about it.. wadeva bad that happens, forget it, it will be the past. history is increasing as time is ticking.. forget about your bad days, life goes on.

the second one, however, makes me feel better. telling us that time is flying past. you are thinking about tmr now, but it will come in the blink of an eye. soon you will be stepping into the future you presume so far away. Life's too short to spend long tots of wad you gonna do. how about just do wadeva you wan now and dun regret the moments of your life?

well.. i personally love the second one better.

whether its cuz thats the way i feel, or cuz thats wad i failed to do, i dunno.. enlightenment anyone?

darling, sorry i cant see you for these few weeks, ilu and imu! bear with it here's tonnes of love to get you thru <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

近视跟远视

2008-04-12T06:33:00.002+08:00

short sightedness (myopia) - People who have myopia or nearsightedness have difficulty seeing distant objects, but can see objects that are near clearly.

farsightedness (hyperopia) - People with hyperopia or farsightedness have difficulty focusing on objects close up, such as print in a book.

i think i have both.
I lost the ability to look far, and thus only focusing on the things laid out before their eyes. No big dreams, no great ambitions and no sense of direction.
Even if now I choose to look at the things stark rite in my face, I cant see them too. I cant see me enjoying life and heck care bout the future. I worry. But i dun have dreams.

So, shd i enjoy life as it is now, or should i work hard now for the future, or shd i simply go to the optician?

p.s. actually the main point of this post is - i lost my specs. damn it. :(

just feeling a lil emo

2008-03-17T21:16:00.003+08:00

It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end..

To love someone is nothing. To be loved by someone is something. To love and be loved by someone is everything

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying

It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on

Did you know that the love of your life could be in 3 places at one time? They can be at they're house, in your heart and always on your mind......

Everything is alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end

Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, love like you'll never get hurt, and live like it's heaven on Earth!

FiNaLlY

If the world ended today, would you be at peace with the amount of love you shared?"

can i tell myself that if i die tmr would i not regret my life? i dare not say yes. cuz i know i do not love the ppl ard me enough. i dun love God enough.

have been losing touch with God.. but i do want to get back the close relationship i have with Him..

i know i love my gf lots lots now.. but i still think its not enough. cuz i still think we can share more love. being able to be with sum1 who can sit down and resolve problems everytime we have issues is just so one in a million thing. I love her. but i haven done enough for her yet. therefore, it juz cant be a yes.

my family, my bro, mum and dad will never know how much i love them. I really thank God i'm born into this gr8 family.

my frenz. i love them all. guys and gals. past and present. but i did not tell them i still love and miss them. all the way from primary sch to jc and army.

shd i spend more time in loving ppl rather than studying and working so hard and failing to tell the ppl i love that I miss them so much.

my petrol station. the bez thing that ever happen to me. I knew I was gonna get a big prize when i never win once in any lucky draw, and affirm it when i met you.

:)

running route

2008-03-17T03:01:00.000+08:00

A2 route plus 2.4k round the track

:)

stranded on an island

2008-02-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

i'm not a person of explanation, but i need to rant it out.

1.first i have these competitors who have a solid proposal to kio sai, made everything hard for me.
2.conclusion: to win need 40 ppl
3.budget cant choose country lyk japan, South korea, europe
4.left with china taiwan indo
5.faced sum1 who's suppose to know everything but know nothing
6.require my comm to help out but most insist on taiwan left me with no choice
7.tell me deadline is feb during feb
8.rush everything out
9.said i shd have went south korea, china, where i have zero contacts
10.tell me very hard

I admit its my fault for not noticing the dates and assuming too much. but the circumstances are really against me all the time. in bizipedia, in acad week , even in corporate visits. things love to crop up. luckily i'm not defeated, never will. If my God is for me, then who can be against me.

but beaten, tattered and torn, fuel tank emptied. If this world dun suck then everyone will be falling off the earth rite?

thank god in hard times i see frenz. frenz who already dio a big bomb to do (law tut presentation) who still take many fotos again and again for me and not clear? tell me ALL the figures in the question. Fren who ask out of his own initiative to share the burden and nv once say that i've disappointed him. Fren who listen on and on for my ranting and say that we are brudders and that she will help me keep it to herself.

The circle of frenz - line that is never-ending. You dunno when it started, but you know it will never end

And more imptly my petrol station. dearie tania.. always supporting me at the back and listening to my complainings. nothing much to say. but this fri.. after all ordeals.. i'm gonna be so gd to you. starting with a steak at jack's place, *yumz*

problems in opportunites, or opportunites in problems. I will soon find out wad type of person i am.

haiz

2008-02-06T13:34:00.000+08:00

free time in doing what i want - its not a privilege (already), it is my misfortune (now for losing it)

fortitude

2008-02-04T01:20:00.000+08:00

fortitude:
-mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously.

in view of the pressure i'm facing now, i guess no one knows anw, i learn this new word. fortitude. I would have whined, cried, quit, gave up, lost my temper and all sorts of disappointing actions. but i know, and i chose not. Many a times i feel lyk giving up, i looked back into my presentation, my speech, my promise to the ppl. no one rems them anymore after the election. but i do. holding true to my word, i said 100% commitment. therefore, it means no quitting, even if it means 4,5 hours of sleep a day. even if it means the whole world doesnt agree or even noe wad i'm doing.

do i regret? do i regret starting so late? no. cuz i know, if time were to go back. it'll be the same. i'm a very time efficient person. that does not imply i do things way b4 time. that implies i do things in the amount of time required. the idle time, i believe is for resting, b4 - rest for prep, after - rest after the actions. so till now, even if the world is against me, i wun change my view, juz sad that sum ppl are actually suffering because of my obstinate nature. for e.g. zhenjie now oso facing prob in bizipedia, maybe we shd indeed start earlier, not saying that i regret, but juz maybe its better to start better, tho the more i think of it the more i wana pawn sumone's ass who left me a whole pile of shit that kills my passion.

now currently, 5 projs on hand.
1.acad week- keep liasing with chenlu
2.bizipedia- trying to do sum damage control and liasing with the office soon i hope
3.corporate visit - damage control too as the company list there screw up now have to send a lot of proposals to companied liao.
4.overseas study trip - dun dare to ask zhenjie for help as he's already very busy with bizipedia, which i really wana thank him for helping me to take up such a burden in such times.
5.programs comm, suddenly i got booth duty for both cny goodies and vdae booth(soon i guess). summore muz plan out the fright nite liao.
It is imperative that all these projects must get thru, and i will do my best to make sure it happens no matter how tough the going gets.

but i say it again. i'm not regretting. this world is not looking for ppl with high IQ or EQ now.. but the ppl who can handle difficult situations calmly and happily. i wana be this kind of person. and i believe i will. after this ordeal. i will be a better man. holding steadfast to my word to the ppl who supported me during elections, i will give my 101% commitment.

well, i just hope its not at the expense of my cap. :(

a story to tell myself and to remind myself-
john stephen akhwari -
"My country did not send me to Mexico City to start the race. They sent me to finish."

Choice

2008-02-02T02:05:00.001+08:00

when sum1 wants to make negative comment on me, i can choose to...
1) be demoralized and give up
2) prove them wrong

When i choose to prove them wrong, i can choose to...
1) do it fast and well
2) do it slow

When i choose to do it fast and good, i can choose to...
1) grumble and have vengence in my heart
2) do it happily still and hope i learn sumthing in this event

Life is a matter of choices. You only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough.

scandalous

2008-02-01T17:27:00.001+08:00

revival of the blog, imminent

2008-01-29T01:43:00.000+08:00

soon soon..

soon my blog will revive!!

1st dae

2008-01-14T16:22:00.000+08:00

ok, after a half havoc and sluggish for the other-holiday, apparently i'm back here in school.. but this is so much torture!

1st lecture this legal lecture.. the female lecturer, is she even joking? i really dunno leh.. then the mno lec.. whoa.. super super sian.. finally, a prof who declares he haven taught for a long time and need sum adjustments.. haiz.. this is such a gd start..

sianx~

post exam

2007-12-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

lemme see.. exams ended on thurs 6th dec.. but after basically i rot whole day in the clubroom for jiali and dexter to go "practise" bowling.. actually juz wana have fun la.. but wait until super late then cancel.. but i wasnt angry.. juz trying to scare jiali.. collaborate with dex.. haha.. nx day i cant rem.. did i rot it away? then the bowling.. it was fun.. got 115.. not bad la.. challenge turkey summore.. yay.. zhenjie the bez.. think he got a 130 or 135 or sumthing.. so zai..

after that it was the church outing.. the bbq and stuffs.. or isit on fri? cant rem.. but i rot whole nite away in town.. walked from tiongbahru to orchard.. trust me.. thatz crazy.. got screened by police summore.. how long has it been since i was screened.. sec 2? 3? still rem the incident at sembawang park.. chopper.. police car. scolding the police irritating when i was pri 6.. haha.. fun life.. then played pool.. watched an almost-fight.. wanted to help them spark it off one.. den walked around.. rochor road beancurd not opened.. so we went the banquet to eat supper.. then went home in the morning.. i think its fri.. sun i went church and out with my gf..

mon i had my acad comm meeting.. then i cant really rem wadz nx.. me n zhenjie in clubroom rot till very late.. watched a lot of bleach.. tues.. went for this church event.. prom nite i guess.. haha.. saw a girl that looked a bit lyk a girl i know laz time.. oh.. the fotos i took with my gf is so cute.. wed i rot it away but went to ktv with sum of the mcs.. kinda fun but i didnt sing much..

thurs..12 to 3 got west end meet meeting.. then watched enchanted with my gf. SUCH A NICE SHOW!!! then shopped a lil.. in taka and stuffs... and sorry dear for making your tears drop.. i'll never do that again k? sorry.. i love you~ sending her back and going home..

fri.. prepare the slides for the presentation tmr.. but went out with jialiang they all.. kinda miss them ma.. jialiang, fer, yixiang, and yan wei came too.. and i juz realized today fer shifted to WOODLANDS! still abit.. erm.. disillusioned? dunno.. nono.. bewildered? nono.. wad is it ar.. dunno la..

anw i'm so thankful for frenz lyk zhenjie, karmen, dex and yihong who really understands.. i really cant go tmr.. its impt to me.. very very impt. it is one of the very reason that keeps it still going.. sorry zhenjie and karmen for the trouble. sorry sorry.. and yes! this fren who haven come back from taiwan yet.. well.. come back soon! we all miss you so much!! come back and have after exams outing with us!! and dun forget my souvenir.. oh.. and nuan ting's leaving for hols overseas soon too.. so gd.. jiali going thai soon too.. damn. gd life.. i oso wan.. but i guess my gf is all i need..

i luv you!

ms sucks

2007-11-26T13:10:00.000+08:00

i'm so screwed for ms..

question 1. node.. why did i go and SOLVE it? haiz.. i should juz throw everything inside.. haiz.. 25 marks gone.. question 2.. forgot to root my 1/6.. i oso dunno la.. sucks.. at least ten gone.. question 3 shd be fine.. and question 4.. people getting 12 mins whereas i get 30 plus mins.. so that makes up about 45 marks or half the paper gone.. shit.

and i realize i committed a very serious mistake.. i leave everything to sat and sun.. altho i study b4.. but still.. sum of the papers i still leave it to sun.. in the end.. fell sick on fri and puke so much on sat.. sucks.. sun got church and gf.. and even tho i revise a lil.. still.. the concept has been fading away.. so oso not much use.. maybe i shdn't throw everything till the end.. maybe i shd go take mc for today.. or maybe i shd juz drop out of sch.. this is so maddening.. sucks..

and everytime i face you.. i dunno how to tell you i dun have enough time to study cuz all i wana is juz to make up for the loss time i missed with you..

how?

:(

hate that i love you

2007-11-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

"Hate That I Love You"
(feat. Ne-Yo)

[Rihanna:]
As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]
But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Ne-Yo:]
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]
Yeaahhh... Oohh...

[Rihanna:]
As much I love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...

nice song.. makes people wana fall in love rite? so sweet.. exactly how i think my dearie feel for me and vice versa too.. simply love that song.. makes ppl forget about all the bad things that will surface in relationship and simply explain the "reason" why ppl wana fall in love.. cuz usually there's no concrete reason why someone likes another.. me n my gf.. seeking so long the reason why we are so attracted to each other.. but never come to a solid conclusion in these near-17 mths.. 4 more days.. but sumhow.. i guez we juz dun need to come up with a reason anymore.. its all in the lyrics..

anw.. got nothing much to say about it..
1. I still love Bizad, I still wana do sumthing for bizad..
2. I still love trogun, I still wana see it intact nx rag..

i'm not stressed over my studies, it is an under-statement

2007-10-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

i'm so freaking lagging in every assignment now.. this sucks.

Econs - I'm lagging in econs no doubt. haven copy notes since prod n cost,that was my mid term topic. tut seems like i'm alwaes doing WHEN they are discussing already

MS - worse. totally dun uds.. the node thing, i think its lect 6.. i from there onwards lost liao.. lost in the woods, waiting to be devoured by the wolf aka tao hua..

Gen bio - not so bad, expected to lag, but guess wad? i haven even buy my txbk yet.. gdness gracious..

Mkt - didnt go for prdt, distribution n promotion1.. today went already at promotion 2 (promo tools) so dead. tut haven do yet.. need to do by tmr i think

Stats - what is t table? what is everything? haiz..

i'm so dead..

"getting to know you, getting to know all about you" this song keeps ringing in my mind..irritating..

anw.. wad is the world coming to? y muz the world be so competitive? for survival? for self-actualization? or simply for pride?

my frenz out there.. open up your eyes and see clearly who are indeed your frenz and who are not.. make sure its not too late when you the truth smack you rite in the face.. i hate it.

haiz.. anw.. i'm such a lousy project group member. wadeva you guys ask me to do, such as my mkt group and my stats group, i didnt do.. i feel so guilty.. i oso dunno why i cannot do.. probably every time i set the time to do sumthing will cropped up and i get damn pissed off.. or maybe its juz me.. the finger story.. (those who dunno plz ask me direcly)

but! i got the brains.. in mkt, the crazy recommendations, the evaluation, the direction i set for you guys.. what to do, how we gonna do it, who do wad, blah blah.. i did helped.. but mayb.. juz mayb.. its juz me, irresponsible.. am i even up to the job of being in all your project group? i'm very guilty..

stats project, i didnt do much survey oso.. but i provide my brains.. lyk how to do the stuffs subsequently and stuffs.. so will you guys forgive me..

becuz trust me.. these few weeks i haven been myself.. there IS a reason for it.. i juz cant say it out.. maybe sum of you guys know.. but yes, there is a reason for my abnormality..

not that i have been normal in the past tho..

anw.. i dun lyk to bitch about people.. but i like to bitch about bitches.. so.. if you think i;m a bitch, then go ahead and bitch about me.. but still.. it wun stop me, neither will you prevail, cuz i dun say things w/o proofs.

trust me.. damn.. tmr den blog,

i'm in a really foul mood now.

yup..

2007-10-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

i had my haircut for 18 (-10 from the voucher, original 28)..

yay! there goes my christmas tree..

jiali dyed her hair dark brown.. became prettier..

dexter had his haircut too!

after that we still go the rochor road tau huay there.. nice!! haha..

oh.. today shogun outing cancelled.. attendance too poor.. why lydat.. everytime i see other og lyk shaman or spartide having og outing i very xian mu lor.. haiz.. maybe shogun is not as gd as i tot.. haiz.. wadeva la.. tot i might be able to wear my uniform today.. nvm.. wadeva..

rotted the whole day.. very glad.. very long nv rot for so long.. either sch, mugging for exam, bizad club meetings, project meetings, even gf (sound so bad, and i do enjoy my gf's company).. but today.. finally.. a day for myself..

but this bangalar juz haf to spoil it juz now.. call the first time wrong no already make me pu huey.. still keep calling.. ignoring him only increases my missed calls.. sumone.. plz teach him english.. maybe my pronunciation of wrong no is his hearing of a msg of "call me back again".. wadeva..

anw i love my gift! tmr i'm gonna buy my comics.. it has been so long since i laz bought..

and yes.. i'm playing my guitar again.. big distraction/big enjoyment.. thin line.. still, i feel happier..

still rem that time.. was thinking shd i drop out of nus and go laselle or nafa to pursue music.. but realize i have no background.. talented, i know myself.. everyone around me who knows about this side of me says it too.. but still.. i dun dare to enter.. cuz i know there are far more ppl who are more talented there.. plus very hard to survive.. checked out nus.. the music degree.. has so harsh requirements.. so now, here i m, stuck in business..

i've given up on my aspiration..i better be on dean's list. if not i realy dui bu qi zhi ji..

super long entry

2007-10-13T19:47:00.000+08:00

juz realized the post ms khoo jiali posted up are up and i haven del it.. haha.. got sum explanation to do now.. we were studying together as usual in our group.. den i was on my blog page, she juz typed "i like to shit" and post it.. well.. so you guys know who like to shit huh? :)

anw jialiang, if you're reading this, TAG my board! dun discuss over my blog with me and pretend you're not here.. other ppl too.. was thinking gd, no one knows my blog's revived, den came to know more and more ppl actually knows.. haha.. well well.. wadeva~

anw, had a very very very hard week..

studies first-
ms is 45% for goodness sake, i cant bliff i screwed it up.. there goes my dean's list.. i'm really very very sad.. scarly get c.. i ans it at the 5 marks question when its supposed to be at the 20 marks, den i CANCEL the whole thing, then only managed to copy the defining of variables.. 25 MARKS out of 100.. i'm so dead.. i'm so sad.. stats, however, i studied so much less, if not no.. then i'm quite glad with it.. finished it in 40 mins when ppl cant finish.. if only the sudoku is at this side, den i can finish it.. but stats is only 20%! haiz.. wadeva.. i still haven get over ms.. i'm pissed.. very.

acad club-
juz saw this email saying wad the talks has been postponed to my academic week! wth! no way man.. yi hong juz tell me that talks can be on my acad week, nv say that the o week talks are postponed to my acad week. wah lao.. damn buey sui leh. wtf. there muz be sumthing wrong sumwhere, either yi hong side or ritchie side..
study trip to indo? wth? no way lor.. i wun tolerate that.. lydat where got ppl wana go.. but hor... actually if no one wana go better, then all frenz go, go for a frenzy shopping trip.
the corporate visits! wth! nx recess week! 5? oh no.. will ppl go? mid terms leh.. all 5 daes, finanace and marketing no prob.. but the others? well.. dunno lar..
kim eng! y out of nowhere one? ritchie juz tell me this super big company has actually a contract with us? and i have to arrange a competition..i dun mind cuz that was my idea all along.. but wad?!i hafta take into account it dun clash with other competitions? siao, lyk they dun keep popping out and i got the power to stop them lydat

worst of all
the graph has dipped.. a lil, a lot, i dunno, but it sure dipped.. i lost my confidence.. in you, in me, in us, in everyone.. in circumstances, in history, in the preset, in the future.. in love and sadness, in hate and madness.. i'm broken.. thoroughly..

will i be able to pick myself back up again? i tink so.. on equal weightage as i doubt so.. i love the company i have in sch.. and my laughter and smiles are genuine, unlike in the past lyk in sa or church where i might faked it.. cuz these frenz really do let me feel the warmth.. if i choose frenz.. i chose the rite ones..

but these few days.. i really feel tht you really wana make things work out with me.. thanx.. when i reach home looking at ruffles cheese, dark choc, choc ice cream, comics connection voucher, the card and the sweets.. it makes me realize that no one knows me this well.. we have enjoyed, endured, stormed and tide this one and a half year together.. its not sumthing i can easily let go.. so.. i still can go on.. i think...

but my heart bleeds.. my soul aches.. my mind and body broken beyond repair.. pieces of me scattered all over.. it cannot be the same again.. you crush a paper, you open it up, iron it, the wrinkles still show.. you break a heart, picked it up, pieced it together with super glue, the cracks still show..

i go into bed with immense ache in my heart.. i woke up in the morning wish it had all been a dream.. i listened to songs with tears in my eye, melancholy in my heart..
i swallowed both into my heart, inducing more pain.. but i'm not THAT "emo".. you need to be alive to feel the pain, but you dun need the pain to feel alive.. so.. please.. will this pain go away.. with my sorrow and woes.

"There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" (Charles Kuralt)
i say.. crudely..
let the melancholy be in the bin and the sorrow, of the past.

well.. enough of emo..

prepare sumthing for my nx post.. gonna make it a happy one.

2007-10-03T17:44:00.000+08:00

hi i love to shit.

pissed.. terribly

2007-09-25T22:51:00.000+08:00

i'm angry i'm angry i'm angry.. but your pleading softens my heart and i shall forget about this whole matter.. who ask me to love you? i guez i juz have to accept wadeva silly actions you do to me..

haiz.. nx time dun hang up on me.. i hate ppl hanging up on me.. cant you in the least say bye or sumthing? rudeor wadeva.. instead of slamming the phone down.. haiz.. wadeva.. dun do that again.

today has been such a fruitful day. Took out my stats notes.. flipped onto tut 1.. construct a pie chart, pareto diagram... blah blah.. ok..done.. construst a side by side bar chart.. wtf! i cant do.. damn.. nvm.. skipped.. nx.. skipped.. nx.. skipped.. ok.. construction below my apartment.. paused.. tv on.. postponed.. guitar lying there looking lonely.. postponed.. bed looks comfortable.. postponed.. bro passed my sudoku to play.. construction ended, but feelin hungry.. eat first.. cai hua heng yi, then the nice cop show on channel 8.. need to use internet to do up the blackberry the screenshot thing.

ok.. wow.. look! so fruitful.. and juz when i was about really gonna start.. dearie juz have to make my day worse.. nvm..tmr i go sch early to study..

moral of the whole no-link unrelated super draggy story - dun study at home

oh ya.. my mum.. i'm so proud of her.. juz had a minor operation.. walkin temporary with clutches now.. one hand holding it, the other hand sweeping/ironing/cooking.. how great can a mother get?

hmm.. shd i go for a run tmr? i guez not.. lazy to move my ass.. but i definitely need to run soon.. well well~

sakae!

2007-09-25T00:05:00.000+08:00

finally, the rewards of the bazaar! it finallt paid off, those stupid efforts.. i had a super super full meal today la.. i seriously LUV unagi and salmon! dun ask me why.. haha.. super full, even until now, 12 plus am.. haha..

went back home and saw thw 21 balloon still floating and i'm amazed..

juz now after sakae, went a bit of shopping with the gang.. but mainly its lyk klar huishen and dexter shop together.. then me zhenjie eugene shop together.. they ostra us lor..after that still say wad po ma.. haha.. fine.. at least i looked at shoes and shirts i like so i dun really regret not sticking along.. after they left, apparently klar wans to shop still, shen and dex zao liao.. i went off too~

went to meet kayan~ my long lost fren! gonna meet her for a meal with travins soon at arts i think... yay!

\(^-^)/

and my silly dearie is watching her nip tuck and forgetting the time.. haiz..

hmm

2007-09-23T23:17:00.001+08:00

i think everyone thinks that my blog is dead, after a lull period of close to 5 months.. but still.. dun care~ actually blog's not really a place to let ppl read. i mean.. sum ppl actually got upset that no one tagged or the counter didnt jump at all! i mean..wad the hell.. no need rite? for me its juz that the skin and everything is so user friendly and i dun have to dig out diaries i wrote decades ago.. so blog is still my first choice.. tho that doesnt mean i mind ppl reading my blog.. cuz if i dare to write muz dare to let ppl read ma.. rite? ya rite.. heez..

recess week coming soon. actually it is here. my emotional roller coaster ride has been quite crazy recently.. but now quite ok liao.. so i guez i can start mugging tmr.. \(^-^)/

so sian.. so many shit piling up.. blackberry collaboration mins not settled.. acad comm not formed yet.. meal with prof lee and ritchie not set yet, and i hope zhenjie can come along as well.. a full load of shit man..this is big sai kang.. haiz.. help help help..

i need sum chocolates man.. this is sickening.. plus studies.. acad dir ponning lecture and laggingin tutorials.. future sounds bleak..

ms-juz learn how to use solver
econs-from the derivation part laz laz tut lost liao
stats-haven officially do 1st tut
gen bio-juz read my first lect notes
marketing-haven buy txbk

gd luck to me.. wish me all the bez before six feet under ground~

but still.. seeing the 21 balloon still floating in my room juz now, 23rd sep nite, rem my frenz, i dun regret a single thing i have done..

for ppl dun regret things they have done, but those that they didnt

yay! 21st!

2007-09-21T16:31:00.000+08:00

my group of frenz rawks.. and i'm so glad i went rag and met all these ppl.. i love you guys out there!

it was my bdae a few days ago.. sunday 160907, my gf cele for me! it shall be a secret how she cele but i love her soooo much! muackx muackx!

den on mon my cell cele for me in the nite..ate at bugis sum super spicy restarant den had nice desserts! haha..

tues! 180907.. my exact bdae! started off with me buying an m&m's for myself as bdae present, half heartedly wanting to escape unscathed, but half hoping for sumthing.. went for gen bio.. ok.. nothing happen.. zavier, zhenjie dex juz wish me happy bdae.. den zavier treat me to chicken cutlet at mega bites! so sweet! den klar and jiali came! with 3 big balloons.. "21" "birthday boy" "happy birthday" and klar was saying wad go to holland v and suffer stares from the kids.. so touched! haha.. gd frenz are hard to come by.. then in sch i so paiseh la.. holding the balloon.. pplwho know me keep asking if its my bdae.. den wish me happy bdae.. haha.. i oreadi hide at the back for econs lect, bcuz of the balloons.. then they sang happy bdae song to me in lt! haiz.. fu qiang oso "arm chio".. even ling zi sitting the other side oso come and wish me happy bdae.. after that went vivo.. can see everyone v shagged out liao (i JUZ realized shack is shack up, as in you-know-wad, and shagged is weary, used it wrong for so long), still go with me.. touched.. ate at sum nice hongkong cafe.. i ate beef steak cheese baked rice or sumthing lydat.. den brent almost burnt his fingers doing the 21 CANDLES1 yea..

i love this bunch of frenz.. i choose this clique, and i'll stick tith these ppl..

i simply love them..

\(^-^)/

\(^-^)/

2007-08-22T13:09:00.000+08:00

i had many posts ready~ haha.. but still.. have to go get my laptop ready b4 i start posting.. wadeva the case.. this blog will be alive soon..

i hope..

^-^

nothing

2007-07-24T12:00:00.000+08:00

nothing

2007-07-07T20:46:00.000+08:00

nothing much to write about.. ok.. start with my pri sch class chalet

ok.. went over laz fri.. stayed over with sum ppl, after that didnt get to go to see cell perform.. den bbq.. oh ya.. this guo xiong quite irritating.. esp there's a part when chee yong stand up and he start saying what he's still a man after all IN FRONT of huifang, hinting cheeyong trying to peep at huifang's downblouse and stuff.. wah lao.. we know cheeyong so well, know he alwaes treat the class gals as friends.. only he can think of this thing lor.. muz be he jealous cant see or he already seen sumthing wrong *despise* dun push it to sumone else la.. loser.. den went to sent siyu off.. haha.. lame shit.. qiang jin tou..

cac camp nothing much really.. quite boring.. shogun mates are so much more fun.. but luckily got matthew sir hong ethan they all.. thats why its fun.. DONG KA~ mm chi chi mm chi~ doki doki doki doki~

nothing much.. yawnx..

fun og! shogun!

2007-06-27T12:26:00.000+08:00

had a really nice time at my bizad camp.. but com down..

gonna post one for them when my com's up again..

or shd i juz go for a notebook now..?

:P

2007-06-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

nah ni nah ni poo poo..

nothing much.. com down.. help..

anyone got the. wad you call that? the restart cd or sumthing.. that after re format can install back all the programs one.. tell me plz..

b4 i muster the courage the re format my com and regret it...

in a dither*

anyway.. at my gf houe now.. her dad juz came back from overseas. sian.. tired..

and shocked..
i didnt mean to leave that lil gd impression left..
i juz couldnt and dun want to bliff it..

but i guez facts juz speaks louder..

so i guezz..

i'm on my side now..

^_^

>.<

:(

shift gds..

2007-05-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

the legendary ban huo for fund.. so many ppl had tried it.. juz not me yet.. so for the first time i'm gonna go try that out..

thurs-
met fund 8.50 at sembawang with my bro.. ivan yap already in the car.. haha.. went to his wwarehouse.. ho ho ho.. not big.. saw a few blue containers.. thinking.. holy macaroni.. is that it.. gosh.. and so.. it begins..

opening a surprise present..

(and after)

a few of the hoteh kids slacking.. (haha.. juz kidding fund)

and fund the monster.......

present record.. 1 contanier in 1.5 hrs inclusive of sweeping..

shack... then watch spiderman.. (maybe i'll upload the fotos for this soon.. fer and benson) with them.. fer, benson, chee, fund, ivan, me (damn... who's the last? cant rem)..

fri-
another day begins.. bro not coming.. met fund ivan and zhen jie in fund's car.. settled 1.5 container plus packing stuffz for other companies..

check out zj..

gd driver

you wouldnt wanna know how high we stand due to the mischievous fund..

after dinner went for street soccer.. many ppl.. gd conducting officer yap..

haiz.. sum stuffz i swore nv to write here.. but its really a terrible feeling to be ignored and be mad at and not knowing wad to do..

:(

gathering

2007-04-30T17:35:00.000+08:00

woohoo.. it was another s74 hunks gathering~

koh kaihung house.. after heavying went str there. tot maybe can swim or sumthing.. in the end leh? haiz.. juz rot there... watched man u v everton.. the miracle comeback of man u when they're on form.. and chelsea whacking of .. who ar.. cant rem.. but they juz cant scold.. alwaes chelsea attacking.. but juz too bad.. heez.. at least me teng siang and fer witness the comeback of man u..

damn hungry.. tanah merah super ulu.. no food in sight.. went up and saw so many ppl turn up for this gathering.. \(^-^)/ among the 15 guys 11 turn up.. me fer ky fund benson yuki julian tengsiang yixiang kaihung (duh) martin.. vincent ar.. still saw him "logging on " to msn.. still ask wana dota.. =.= jialiang i guezz after work plus tmr church plus fer/kaobi say wad no staying over then he nv come.. hope he'll come nx time.. :) sumarthin overseas.. lame guy.. shd bond him.. victor.. damn. i think we accidentally miss him out? hmm.. one more.. actually.. aiya.. nvm bout him..

plan:-

swim
steam room
late night prata

actual:-

watch soccer
play bridge
see laz time fotos.. (secretly kept by kkh)
eat durian
see angry kh father
read comics
dota
bond ky (and martin and me.. damn)
sleep

plan 7am:-

swim
steam room
breakfast

actual:-
alarm rang from 6.30 to 7.30 (five ringtones at interval of 2 mins)
rain damn heavy.. reluctant to get up.
got up and nua
zao home

really got do anything we planned leh.. but still.. enjoyable.. i guez its not about the things you do but the ppl you're with loh.. esp seeing ppl lyk tengsiang and nax and julian.. really not huai nian..

went to tampines mall eat with martin and ky at macs.. then went church in my ultimate sloppy attire.. armour singlet, board shorts, slippers, with a quiksilver jacket.. den i think i saw the.. wads her name ar.. i think its meiqi or sumthing la.. with her frenz.. ho ho ho.. i got gd attire.. but i dun care.. so thats fine.. changed up in the restroom and attended service.. missing my dear dear very much.. but cuz she nv come due to an acceptable reason.. so i'm feeling kinda alone.. haiz.. muacks muacks.. my dear kitten.. \(^-^)/

met her later.. and sum gr8 rottin together times that i've been looking forward to.. i mean.. this life there isnt really anything much to hope for.. that's one of my few.. then lydat.. one dae.. yawnx..

i miss 03s74.. i miss my dear dear.. i miss the old daes..

family guy

2007-04-30T12:45:00.000+08:00

sian.. stupid fund!

2007-04-28T01:22:00.000+08:00

wah lao.. everytime not free to msg on msn-er.. haiz.. wana tell him to teach me dance.. plus i need his help to complete one of the dance moves.. haiz.. forget it..

a partner in this..

and maybe two more guys for this..

not say exactly and as pro as them.. but sum of the moves la.. haiz..

worst dae?

2007-04-26T20:30:00.000+08:00

bad worse worst

woke up late.. mosquitoes.. late.. not enuff cash.. ear infected.. dad dun wan send me.. dear still sleeping.. stomachache..

damn.

luckily for my never-failed-to-cheer-me-up gal.. else i think i might end up unleashing the ultimate devil in me..

haiz.. today is 26/04/07.. memorable..

nothing much to say.. tired.. gonna run tmr.. cuz fund say i become fat.. i think i go run until daybreak.. from around 6 lydat.. till i cant tahan the sun.. den maybe go for a swim..

and xing wei juz told me haven receive ict notification? hmm..

anw.. came across one video in youtube.. eh.. dun say i hao se or sumthing lar.. if hao se you would be seeing sum porn or sumthing.. nvm.. shall not explain myself.. but its really coincidental la.. searching for sum taiwan tv shows.. came across singapore tv show.. saw this video.. go take a look.. tot i saw sumthing wrong.. but after repeating the video realize there IS sumthing wrong.. den curiosity takes over me.. hello.. not lust k? if lust i oso dun wana share with others loh.. but take note la.. this video got sumthing wrong.. esp at 00:55..

haha.. naughty kids~

(think i'll delete this post soon) heez..

me dear dear..

2007-04-25T21:19:00.000+08:00

not trying to be mushy.. but i really luv my dear baby so much~~ haha.. actually this post is... how to sae.. a reply/ans to one of my gd frenz who say he nv see my gf b4.. so i uploaded sum fotos.. as i upload i really start reminiscing on stuffz.. haha.. sweetest gal~

fullerton!

she cut her hair short!

christmas

v dae

third party

we're the light!

other fotos

haha.. so.. mr. sing.. enuff?

:P

laselle

2007-04-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

today's the big dae~ we went for yy's exam at laselle. here's a foto of wad i saw when i first reached there..

eh.. quite bad.. the bass drum was lyk hell.. couldnt play it.. den i concentrate on solving the bass drum and the simple beats i can even play wrongly.. i'm so sorrie.. haiz.. but i felt angry.. not cuz the bass drum.. but me! bcuz of one part of the drum i screw up everything.. haiz... i'm such a noob.. think i dowan plae drum liao.. this is maddening.. how can i blame everything to that one drum.. its juz me.. haiz.. hell. forget it..

oh.. on the way home saw sum nice views. so decided to take it down..

the car was fast.. too bad.. the scenery's not bad..

my dream wedding place with my dear.. haha.. party no. 2.. i'm looking forward to it..

ok.. basically thats it.. plus the chu qian yi ding (ma la) mian i'm eating now.. juz another non-adventurous dae.. yawns.. today sleep early.. tmr still got health check at nus..

ICT!:(

2007-04-25T00:18:00.000+08:00

didnt managed to blog wad i wanted to sae on sunday nite..

actually i was very troubled.. i told myself i wasnt affected by the videos.. but when pastor derek lead his songs lyk hallelujah.. all i felt was displeasure.. displeased that why they muz spend all these 40 mins juz to make sure money well spent(book expo hall 8).. y muz they sing all these songs? to prove that our church is healing church lyk benny hinn is a healing pastor? dunno y but i dun really lyk to associate myself with him now.. maybe it IS really affecting me.. haiz.. forget it den..

today went jamming with matt yy beh michael and his gf came along.. more or less settle liao.. with matt's violin teacher its perfect.. so all is ready for tmr.. tmr yy's test at laselle.. haha.. first time performing i think i confirm scared one.. haha.. laselle.. art sch.. jamming there.. haha.. ban men nong fu..

ok.. for those who dunno.. i changed phone no.. but for security reasons.. those who dunno yet can contact me at evalan86@hotmail.com or msnmsger msg me.. but oso.. from kokleong.. he told me..

ICT LAI LIAO! 11 june to 15 june.. haiz.. sian.. so faz ict liao
this is v v v bad.. my fitness summore so lousy.. where can 2 months improve.. jialat la.. haiz.. i hate ns.. but well.. who loves.. as the saying goes.. for our loved ones.. we juz gotta suffer rite? haiz..

j rock, k dance

2007-04-23T00:03:00.000+08:00

nice stuffz i've found online..

this is my fav video..

but while searching for it i found a few others not bad one..

this one got eric and lee hyori in it too..

actually its a whole series.. korean market that phone so well anybody hear those songs, or those music videos(mv), or even ppl lyk lee hyori, eric (shinhwa), lee jun ki(princess hours) they are reminded of the phones.. whole series of 3..

any motion
any club
any star

well.. this.. juz tot that their dance quite cool..

blasphemy? or wad?

2007-04-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

yay! i fianlly went to cg todae.. so glad.. i guez i'll be attending more of it.. i really benefitted a lot from benny hinn's crusade in s'pore.. it was so real.. the impact.. everything.. i juz kept crying and saying sorry and sorry to the Lord for the sins i've committed.. seeking His forgiveness.. once again i felt it was so tangible.. but as i went to cell today.. i listened to sis veron's msg.. it mentioned about certain incidents.. one particular one is that one of the members say benny hinn is a fake.. healings are fake and stuffz.. i got so shocked..

i tot who can be so bold as to spout such rubbish.. and no surprise it actually went all the way up to sis veron.. but den after cg, sadly to realize.. its one of my gd frenz in church.. but still.. that person has sumthing to based on.. and when i looked further into it..

i checked out youtube.. type benny hinn.. and all i see are false prophets.. lavish lifestyles.. cheating.. exposed.. profit not prophet.. all those stuffz.. further looked into such videos realize.. hey.. my fren sure has sumthing to back him out.. but one thing is......

i juz cant agree with that.. no matter how many videos i've seen.. claims that he's a scam.. i cant agree.. why.. simple.. y believe in wad ppl say or broadcast.. when you can go experience yourself.. i dare not assume all his healings i got ways to prove he's real.. but for myself i really do felt the anointing.. it cant be fooled.. it lead me back to God.. so i can at least confirm that he is a man of God in my opinion..

the videos are many.. practically almoz every videos.. but hey.. go think about it.. since we came to chc.. are we alwaes faced by gd comments by the others.. i dare say moz of the ppl hear our church.. first thing.. siam. own members hear about tithes and offerings.. zao. building fund.. backslide. arent we almoz lyk the same.. there are oso imperfect ppl in the church.. but i believe as we lead more ppl to God.. (hey.. no matter wad anyone says.. God, there's only one) its very gd liao.. sum ppl i know came here and know God, then left to other churches.. i feel glad for them.. and the frenships and discipleship.. they're not fake.. charismatic church = money sucking organisations? who do you hear it from? you're not even inside, juz outside claiming we're brainwashed..

its the same.. as long as he heals one person.. he IS a healer, a man of God.. a person who gives hope to ppl and courage to live on.. no comments on the truth of all healings, for i have no proof.. but wad is faith.. think back.. as a christian, the walk as one.. miracles kept happening.. you cant deny it.. i believe ppl are indeed healed.. so why the critical attitude?

fundamentals of christianity? in my opinion.. found in jialiang's blog.. all about faith hope and love.. he cheat money? y you care whether its true or not? even when the widow gave all wad she had left, how little, touches jesus heart.. anyone bother if the money goes to the pharisees or whoever? no.. the act of sacrifice..

haiz..

where's the love yo~ i dunno~ where's the truth yo~ i dunno~

yay

2007-04-21T02:12:00.000+08:00

ok.. i really need to thank fer.. thanx~

anw.. darling is sooo cute.. haha.. tho she shouted in my ears thats kinda pissing me off.. but well.. haha.. hmm.. who asked me play guitar over the phone and irks her.. :P sian.. still needa improve on my pump mute and harmonics.. my harmonics quite ok liao.. at least harmonic tuning is a no kick now.. but jazz chords ar.. sianx.. headache.. the stupid G (dom 9) and G (maj min7) and G(maj6 9) so hard.. so i tend to use more G(Aug) and G(dim) for jazz chords.. haiz.. still not gd leh.. sian.. this is sickening.. think maybe i shd get a gd guiar real soon..

yawnx.. i wana work soon.. quiting that stupid hsbc bank job may not be as gd as it seems.. haha.. maybe i shd have juz hang on? haha.. dun care lar.. now go look for new jobs lor..

i miss SAJC! haiz..

arlow

2007-04-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i blogged i think.. but of cuz.. this entry has many reasons, or shd i say, many events attributed to my "resurrection" of my blog.. i really wana thank God for answering my that prayer, God is so alive.. thats one of the reasons.. another.. i guez.. could be a slight increase in contact with my sajc classmates, sum of my bez frenz in my lifetime.. i dare not say 20, coming to 21, years can determine many "once in a lifetime" stuffz.. but.. wad i can sae is that i really treasure this ppl alot..

dun really know wad to blog for an entry so.. unfamiliar.. even typing speed and errors took a turn for the.. worse.. but its ok.. haha..

oh.. one main reason its oso to numb my pain.. to find sumthing to do today.. so as not to think too much.. and yes.. i talked a lot to francis today.. and i think the wall between us is slowly collapsing.. i really treasure this fren.. and i know he can keep secrets.. so i chose to confide in him.. to confide in a person takes a lot of trust..

den while doing up my blog.. fund came online.. we talked.. then ironically he brought up a certain issue same as fer.. then lydat loh.. express my views, keeping it objective and unbiased, not revealing any stuffs that cant be revealed.. den lydat loh..

oh ya.. there's this photo i lyk a lot..

haha.. rem the time when i go and bathe.. and came down sock-less.. then.. ms time's up (kausikan) came up i faster climb back up and down by the other staircase.. full of memories.. i miss my class.. pri sch and sec wasnt as fun as sajc class.. tho its the shortest, yet its my bez sch times..

came across a website of my juniors.. 05s74.. they took fotos of sajc be it got demolished.. me n fund almoz cried lookin at the fotos.. haha.. sissies..

ok den.. till we meet again.. go sleep..

:)

2007-04-19T20:03:00.001+08:00

heyo!

i love my gal!

2006-10-11T12:40:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

happy birthdae

my gal's bdae juz passed. so glad i got her a pretty nice bdae present.. hm.. how to sae ar.. i miss 17 birthdaes with her, so i compensate her with 18 presents, each of much thought and consideration. of it i love most is the diary! every meeting her would be jotted down on a diary! which is den given to her on her bdae..

this six months has been so wonderful.. as i read the diary, and remember all the silly times together.. i love her so much!

anw i going to update my blog more often as i start clearingleave..

YAY!

i'm gonna ord soon!

2006-06-22T20:09:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

been packing my room for lyk dunno how many hours.. oso realize i've got really lots of s*** around in my house.. and oso lotsa memories.. all the way from pri sch.. to cat high.. cat high 65th anni performance.. cat high grad.. to cj.. t29 claz memories.. orientation.. cat high gang.. den sajc... 1st year memories.. at first closer to wen xian kayan daniel they all.. then after that closer to fer, vinchante, ky and so so.. 2nd year.. angel mortal game with yinxian grace.. sum memorable times with shi qi and yuhan.. then bez choice in life i've made.. went to church.. then church memories.. everything.. in my room.. haha.. in the rubbish i 've juz thrown most away.. hahah.. after that.. ns memories.. fotos.. notes.. black notebook..

lyk pig sty lydat.. haha..

i miss so many ppl.. all the letters.. from jasmine, shuting, diana, shi qi, yuhan, fer, karboon.. all come out.. haha..

oh ya.. i haven announce to the whole world yet rite?

i've got a girlfriend loh!
and she's gonna be my laz girlfriend..
why?
cuz after gf comes wife wad..
since i only want one wife..
and i plan to marry her asap..
after studies and start work..
therefore she can only be my lao po
my huang lian po
my "ah ma" when we walk down tanjong beach 50+ years later
she agreed already

i love her

no wait.. you could be reading..

i love you!

ee.. so mushy.. my mem better dunno my blog.. or they can nv imagine their cool macho sergeant doing this.. they may end up puking.. haha..

ok.. think i'm real bored here..

hey tiffany..
or rather tifny..

we can go thru together rite?

haha..

;P

?+? = ?

yawnx.. muz complete today's entry

2006-06-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

ok.. missed today's cell.. but really cant go.. so sorrie ar.. y i say sori ar? i'm the one not benefitting.. ok.. next time i confirm can go thru the grace of God.. anw.. ended up with my gal in town.. went bugis a while.. national library.. i give my all to you at no condition, no difficult situations..

den went to town.. had our usual venezeia(??) ice cream.. raspberry a;waes taste so nice.. gianduia oso.. dark is my all time fav.. so left today experimenting green tea.. haha.. walk a bit.. shop a bit oso.. bought sum gatsby stuffz.. haha..

msg her mum said i'll bring her home by 10pm.. almoz made it.. haha.. made my weak heart jumped again lorz.. summore received her msg too late.. haiz.. doom.. but she seems ok at the end lehz.. haha..

k lar.. dun write already.. eyes closing.. real tired.. haha

go argentina! go crespo!

150606

2006-06-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

mood: not here not there
weather: ..
song now:

ok.. d day? or not? i duno..

yay! today's my 2 month anniversary with my gf! haha.. cant believe time pass so faz yet so slow rite? haha.. anw.. today 'te di' go take off to acc her.. went bpp.. den ate swensons for lunch.. haha. surprise! she wore a skirt.. haha.. is it specially for me? i durnoe.. i would be happy if she did.. tho she said she wore that really is kan xin qing de.. ya lor..

actually i've got quite sum programmes for her one.. those ppl i've asked sum silly qns lyk where u think moz r******* one.. ya.. they shd noe.. i'm really putting in sum effort to actually celebrate an anni.. den tot.. haven celebrate with any gal b4 oso wad.. haha.. got a real big surprise for her.. i ren until today finally can pass one to her liao.. the other one oso hor.. hmm..

ok... now wad? hre mum say meet up.. haiz.. wad meet up? in the end all the nite stuffx all gone.. plus sum lecturing(??) by her parents..

i noe.. i'm not rich
i noe.. i'm not smart
i noe.. i'm not handsome..

i dun haf the ability to marry you.. but i really really do wan it.. haiz.. haiz.. now shack out.. nothing much to write.. need to go sleep early.. ya.. tmr 5 wake up 530 go back camp.. haha.. dunno lar..

you dunno how much i wana b with you.. the risk i'm taking to see your parents and really tok to them.. haiz..

i juz want you to noe i'll be at your side alwaes.. nothing much to write.. but i ju wana say..

i ........................................... love you!

p.s thanx for approving my testimonial.. write one for me ok? haha..
p.s and i'll try my bez to write a full one next time.. haha... love you!

:)

2006-05-13T11:51:00.000+08:00

mood: ??
weather: ??
song now:

nothing lor

a pact for a few years.. lyk very far.. but.. achievable? heez..

yawnx. damn sian.. recently dio so many arrows.. one of the worst man.. bmr on sun, cos mon, tues service, wed prep, thurs live firing again.. nsun prep, mon live firing, tues service, thurs prep fri live firing, sat service.. which i probably wun be going.. no matter wad i'm gonna apply off for sat.. really..i dun care.. gonna zao.. cannot this laz min den affect my plan one leh.. so blardy unfair to me lar.. i hate the arrows in army.. i hate them!! haiz..

then oso cause me cant go church for 3/4 of the month.. huh.. 7 cant.. 21 and 28 cos.. wth.. not farnie.. lyk practically get me devoid of church.. this is crazy.. haiz..

i hate my ns life.. a garang co.. makes it worse.. when am i gonna have my 5 dae week.. i need the directive for retaliation.. i cant be the one keep being eaten.. i want to eat u back.. u better blardy hell gimme time to clear my off of i'll make sure we will perish together..

why only my ns life so siong ar? so not fair.. haiz..

luckily i've got a lucky charm to get me thru these.. else i really gonna break down soon.. haiz..

is that no one out there that cares about me? or maybe only one.. but no others?

nothing

2006-03-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

damn shack... dunno y i blog oso..

this whole week.. very shack.. cuz their trade course start... then evreyday oso busy.. plus i got arrowed so many times.. whole body full of holes and wounds.. juz tired..

luckily not entirely tired.. at leat sum1 to lean upon.. literally? haha..

but still.. shack.. words cant describe.. more than juz five letters..

and oops.. revert back to my old ways.. skipping meals.. so in no time i'm gonna get back my gastric i think.. yea.. wadeva lar.. see bout that later.. duno wad to sae.. juz v shack..

today went to fer's dae party.. think its a surprise party thrown by shiqi.. tot i'd feel lyk a bit weird to go there.. so long nv see them liao.. esp the clazmates.. haha.. but didnt feel weird.. numb to be exact... y? i dunno leh.. yawnx.

trying to learn the guitar of promise myself.. cuz nick they all alwaes dowan learn that song.. so bo bian.. summore dunno how to use guitar pro 5.. then very luan..

er.. nothing much..

my hugs not jumping.. haiz..

i oso need my occasional dose of hugs wad~ haha.. wad am i toking..

too shack liao.. dun think i noe what i'm typing..

not in a gd mood either..

dowana say anything.. tired..

2006-03-19T20:52:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

don worry.. to my bez pal in the cell.. it is not you.. i told you who.. haf faith in my words.. dunno y the person can change so much in these months.. but ya.. anw.. u shd go tell the guy that u r bu shuang or it will snowball to a bigger problem next time.. yupz..

and ya.. a fren of mine mite be rite.. its over.. its really over.. stop it.. its really time to stop.. that day.. everything ended.. it was a happy ending.. so dun brood over it anymore.. its really time to let go..

its not you making things hard, i juz made things not easy..

my heart had stopped for too long.. its time to let it start beating again.. so if anyone ever let my heart works again.. beats again.. it will continue beating.. i would stop breathing and try to stop it again.. juz let nature take its course.. my obstinate character has made me lose too many chances.. and many ppl lose me..

the person will come shortly.. sum1 told me that..

i wish to believe so.

not lyk i wan it so desperately..

juz hope that her shadow stops covering me..

???????????

promise

2006-03-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

promise

what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go

and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

i never thought i'd be the one to say
please don't, please don't leave me

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy... (easy, easy, easy...)

take my hand and never let me go,
take my hand and never let me go,
promise me...
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
make this last forever

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know, you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy

so fall asleep tonight, cuz' that brings me closer to you

tired

2006-03-13T11:06:00.000+08:00

mood: >.<
weather:
song now:

stop it

dunno what to say..

sian

suckx

really dislike one person now..

dun wana tok to the person

found a fren

filled with burdens

abc

2006-02-06T12:59:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

here

\(^.^)/ .(T_T).

2006-02-06T10:03:00.000+08:00

mood: i cant think
weather: -
song now: kai bu liao kou

fate?

opposite, life? death
opposite, d-e-v-i-l? l-i-v-e-d (death)
life = devil?
devil = d(the)-evil
opposite, l-i-v-e= e-v-i-l
therefore, evil is a verb
(doing)evil is not living
opposite lived, alive?(live)
opposite devil, evil
devil is not evil???

*bleahx*ok.. wadz above has absolutely no sense wadsoeva lar.. but if anyone managed to decipher any meaning in it you can come and tell me yea.. ;)

sianx.. so yes.. celebrated howard bdae yesterdae.. kinda ex huh.. first we ate at rocky master as usual.. but after we go n cele so went to v8 at bugis.. after that went to breko.. haiz.. burn a hole in my wallet.. wad to do sia.. howard ma.. altho can see that the helpers not really happy to see us there.. i mean.. they dun show their displease or wadeva so.. but can see that they would prefer to have it their own way.. yea.. wanted to ask the rest to leave.. but they dun seem to get the thing yea.. so all juz joined lor..

drank that dunno wadeva strwberry mix by alex.. first it stinks.. then the taste cmi.. after that the stupid.. erm.. smell? taste? juz slowly spread, then occupy the entire mouth.. one word. suck.

hmm.. but we had fun lar.. no doubt bout that..

miss my frenz in jc.. juz a tot from my laz week.. all the hoteh stufz.. staying over.. losing touch with everybody cuz of that stupid ns.. allthe fun bout ponning and slacking in class.. all the morning hairdos.. the whole lot going to eat 2geder.. the sucky barley.. the nai'x 700 bucks that never seem to finish spending.. then the closer frenz.. not after lar.. as in in jc.. my pw group.. so close 2geder.. tho we might quarrel over oreo and milk and had a cold war.. closer frenz.. esp ppl in diff parts of my jc life.. ppl lyk fer, fund, yuhan, jialiang(after we were saved).. and a girl who contributed to another part of my memories.. oh! the group we alwaes go out with.. me fer zien and diana.. alwaes say go out study in the end oso plae here and there only.. haha.. wad 'haf a nice dae' at suntec.. distorted face in neoprint.. bleahx..

i believe in the old sch compound.. the words.. noone is there by chance.. thank God for bringing me there..

bout the ppl in cj.. my t29 claz and the ssc clique.. starting v early when candice and ah chow were all there.. datz my memory.. but i shall not sae much..

nvm.. be happy.. how long more to ord? 200+ daes only.. i believe these daes will pass v faz one.. hope so.. then i'm gonna work.. work for my uni fees, work for my parents, and work for myself.. which then i will take a long break overseas.. be it alone or with frenz.. then back for sch..

shd i still take business? hmm.. i dun wan.. but i really haf no other course that i wana go.. i dun even wana take any course.. i juz wana be in uni.. lame huh? sianx..

arrrgghhhh.. why she haven reply?

我受?了等待你所?的安排　?的未?到底多久才?
?是要?不及才知道我可?　我想依?而你?都不在
???心的地?　你?的全是空白　一?人假日?呆　找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的?外　?一直都?不?　你累??的?害　我是真的很???
?於看??回不?　而你?是太晚明白　最後才把???　哭著求我留下?
?於看??回不?　我?面前太多阻?　你的手?放不?　???出息求我???
你?是要我乖慢慢????　我的眼??一直掉下?
?去怎?交代你??的信?　被你?手??推入?崖
?我?上的?白　看到??慢下?　?去甜蜜在倒?　只是感?已?不在
而我?你的期待　被你一次次摔?　已?碎成太多?　要怎?拼?跟重?
?於看??回不?　而你?是太晚明白　最後才把???　哭著求我留下?
?於看??回不?　我?面前太多阻?　你的手?放不?　???出息求我???

2006-02-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

mood: -
weather: -
song now: 祝我生日快乐

祝我生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄只要关上了门不必理谁
# 一个人坐在空荡包厢里面手机让它休息一夜
难像切歌切掉回忆的画面眼泪不能不能流过十二点
* 生日快乐我对自己说蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
@ 还爱你带一点恨还要时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕幻灭重生祝我生日快乐

sianx..

2006-01-31T13:55:00.000+08:00

mood: yawnx
weather: |||||
song now: hui dao guo qu

nian chu 3

as usual.. nothing much.. found a couple of frenz to around.. met martin first at ps.. den arcade.. den fund came with his orangee speed machine.. drove us to jurong point.. spent lotz of time there at the arcade again.. den.. whoa.. kan u bliff it.. arcade all dae... okok.. nvm.. den sped off to beauty world there to pick up fer.. wanted to go yuhan's house to visit her parents bai nian one.. haha.. didnt.. heard in the baqgrd her mum quite pissed.. tho she msg later to say that in fact her mum wasnt.. but well.. heez.. den went to ben ben hse bai nian and spent the remaining hrs of the dae at his house.. till evryone got knocked out.. welll. luckily for fer, he initiated and literally whack us up that we haf no choice but to go home.. haha.. wadeva huh..~ then fund sent us home one by one.. 'cept for me he dropped me off at bpp cuz i told him so.. can see he's quite shack liao.. so might as well take a cab home..

my worst cab ride ever..

i have been taking cab for so long.. and none beats this one..

this uncle.. obviously from my tone, my body language, my attitude, that i dEsPeRaTeLy needs sleep.. but he juz kept rambling on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.. juz as u get pissed off reading this mine was an infinite times worse.. and of all topics, the one i heard moz, i dread moz, and of this holiday the one i wanted to avoid moz.. it is spelled a-r-m-y.. blah blah blah.. when u return.. wad rank.. xiong or not.. his thousand years ago stories (when policemen still wear shorts..) and the thing is.. why do i still bother to chat with my eyelids a quarter open? cant stand him.. as i watch the taxi fare increases with my blood pressure+anger, i was kinda glad he stopped at my hse b4 i explode.. i mean.. halo~ its 1+ close to 2 in the morning and u're telling me what i've been doing 24/7 for a year.. lyk u noe what i'm doing better than i do.. c'mon.. wake up ur idea..

after that once-in-a-lifetime encounter and seeing my bro still on his online game.. couldnt care less.. off to meet Elder Zhou..

nian chu yi

2006-01-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

mood:sian
weather: lydat lor
song now: in the name of the father - jay chou

how do you spell boring? t-o-d-a-y

today is one of the most boring days i've ever had in my life.. trust me on that, cuz today was really a day wasted for the conservative traditon and everyone is based on the annual routine on every single thing.. the speech, the actions, the bahviour, the food, the mood, the games, the ppl, the whole world... arrgghh..

i'm not gonna bai nian tmr.. its juz so lame.. okok.. my angbao $ka-ching$ mite suffer but no way am i gonna torture myself lydat.. i mean.. its gr8 i get to spend time with my family, esp my father who has been working hard lately.. but the thing is.. hmm.. wait.. wadz the thing? precisely! wadz the thing? wadz the whole deal? damn it..

so.. after the replies i've got.. even if no one will acc me tmr.. tmr i'll 'duang' ard in town and rot myself away..

if time = money, i'll be richer than.. hmm.. anyone else.. yea.. shd be.. 'scratches head'

if one day i could turn back time, i will not hesitate, and i'll be running to you to catch ur hands when u fall, to be there when u call.. and of cuz, to love you more and more..

<3 _a broken less than 3_ <3

new skin

2006-01-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

mood: sian
weather:
song now:

since i'm bored

might as well change a new skin..

hope new things will happen to me.. the good ones.. haha..

of cuz.. since its chinese nw year.. what does it mean? new stufz!

hey ppl.. dun worry bout me.. i'm perfectly fine..

2006-01-13T21:07:00.000+08:00

mood: a broken less than 3
weather:
song now: buried myself alive

yesterdae-
4+ woke up.. wana puke..
5+ puke rite out of my bunk.. cleaned it up meself.. a sick man still worrying thta others might be disturbed by the fact that sum1 puked..
8+ puke again.. medic gave me sum medicine..
10+, 11+, ... puke almoz every hr.. was feeling super down.. picked up the fone.. and realised i have nobody to tell my sickness to..
2+ went to see the mo.. he put me on drip.. the moz painful injection i've taken in my life so far i think.. but still i held back my tears and smile to him assuring him that i m fine..
4+ woke up to realize the drip has finished and a pool, and really, a pool of blood beside me cuz i've been pressing onto my hand.. overheard my blood pressure was 100/40.. so is that gd or bad? got mc for 2 daes..
5+ collect medicine.. barely walked.. felt lyk i've passed out upon reaching my bunk..
7+ woke up and booked out.. on my own.. caouldnt really wake up.. luckily got sum cash on me and a taxi stopped by..
8+ still battling.. couldnt really eat.. so might as well go sleep..

today
woke up.. ate sum stufs.. then puke again.. went to see my family docotr..
12+ got an extended mc cuz he said i'm still not fit for duties yet.. got sum stronger medicine.. one of them tasted quite nice.. lyk orange powder.. sorta taste lyk the emo thingy..

finally.. ate sumthing w/o puking.. by evening i managed to eat sum solid food.. that is to mean rice and meant and veges..

so juz now.. no matter how unwell, how much my mum stopped me.. i juz ate my first choc!! haha.. now that is some kinda defiance..

sianx.. the feeling of suffering alone is very tough.. no kidding.. but there is really no single one on my fone list.. really..

anesthetized

2006-01-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

mood:
weather:
song now:

in the midst of bitter, an aroma of swwetness rose up in ur heart..

thatz dark chocolate to me..

trust me.. it does have a great effect.. for happy moments.. it accentuate ur joy.. but as u are going thru the valleys, it does serve as anesthetic..

went out with yuhan to watch elizabethtown, den bought sumthing.. and then she went off.. kinda sian.. den called up a few ppl to ask them out.. and to my disappointment.. none can make it.. called kayan first.. one hour later then she replied she was having lunch with her mum.. then subsequently a few other ppl.. all cant.. most possible person is still having dinner.. tho i could have met him later.. i didnt..

sad huh..

hur hur..

well.. what to say? its lyk the finger thing u see.. in the end it cant be the whole world is wrong.. evaluate urself first..

isit thru that love only laz 3 months, then its feeling, then its habit..
in chinese its, ai qing san ge yue, ran hou gan qing, jie zhe she xi guan..

i wana rebuke this, but found out it is really true.. haiz..

promise me u'll never let me go